I thought I’d post something potentially deep and thoughtful today, but have had a change of vulva heart. Instead, I’m going to continue with a theme that has been permeating my cyber world this week. The theme is that of the “Secret Boyfriend.” And after checking out her picks and her picks, and after weighing in on this debate right here, I have to make my own declaration of longing.
Now, I know in the past, I’ve waxed on about my Secret Lovah. And still, he stokes my fire:
But this is a fire of the mind. Cornel is hot, no question. Intellectually, he sizzles. If her were a frying pan, I’d be his latke. He will forever remain on my list of Last Supper Guests, which I have yet to compile.
And while reliable Number 7 has, also in the past, blown my hair back, he’s really just a serendipitous distraction during all the matches I endure enjoy and emphatically cheer for during football season.
Certainly, Luis gets the girly bits warmed up nicely, but he’s just a pretty face with über-efficient lungs and iron quads. Nothing more than stamina, that one. And that can only carry a girl so far. Pretty far, probably.
But when it comes to merging of body and soul, of reeling the mind and stoking the fire of the love below, there is no other than this man:
Javier.
JavierJavierJavier.
Where for art thou, Javier?
Oh, for a moment to run my fingers through that wind-blown, admittedly hot mullet.
He makes smoking in bed look like so much fun, doesn’t he? Much less dangerous than the pitiful reputation for which it’s known. I certainly wouldn’t kick him out of bed for this habit. Especially if we’d just shared that bottle of wine while he whispered to me of Spain and Gaudi and sangria.
As a matter of fact, I wouldn’t mind being wrangled with duct tape and smoking his cigar:
(did I really just say that?!?)
Or maybe a little dress-up would suit his fancy:
And mine.
Wanna play Renaissance? Pirate? Renaissance pirate from the trailer park? Oh, twist my garter, Javier! I’m your girl! Get me a bustle and a bustier and let’s get busy playing make believe!
And c’mon, people! You absolutely cannot deny the sex appeal of a man confident enough to wear pink. A man confident enough to wear your pink terrycloth bathrobe, no less. While reading Robert Mitchum. And drinking red wine. From the bottle. With lust in his eyes. Hungry, monstrous lust.
Oh, Javier…are you happy to see me or is that just the ocean breeze up your shorts?
I can be your delicate flower…
…and you can be my Matador…
Or (le sigh) we can just be friends with sexual tension:
After all, I am married and you’re, well, a famous movie star and all.
Still, my lust will go on unrequited.
22 responses so far ↓
1 Mrs. G. // Nov 29, 2007 at 8:25 pm
Ummm…I was going to comment but I need to go take a cold shower.
2 San // Nov 29, 2007 at 8:28 pm
What a confession
3 alyssa // Nov 29, 2007 at 8:44 pm
i’m not sure javier can read. back to reality girl.
4 Pam // Nov 29, 2007 at 9:18 pm
Sorry honey, but I gotta disagree. BAD HAIR! No man, no matter how hot his body nor sharp his intellect, should wear a mullet or a pageboy.
5 Aaryn // Nov 29, 2007 at 9:42 pm
@alyssa: listen, missy. javier can not only read, but he can read in at least two languages. it’s fine if he’s not your speed, sister. more. for. me. (btw—that’s the kind of post i have to write to get you to comment?)
6 Aaryn // Nov 29, 2007 at 9:47 pm
@pam: both the mullet and the pageboy were for roles. sorry to inform you but you’re wrong. i mean, who’s YOUR fantasy boyfriend??? as i told lys up above you, more for me. lalalalalala….
7 dramamath // Nov 29, 2007 at 9:55 pm
You slay me…if this were Ginger, she would have posted 50 photos of Russell Crowe…I don’t get it…
8 Kelly // Nov 29, 2007 at 10:33 pm
He needs a good eyebrow wax. Take him to Devra. And, I agree with Pam—-bad hair. And freakishly pointy nipples.
9 Aaryn // Nov 29, 2007 at 11:41 pm
WHAT?!? Kelly! With the utmost bloggish respect, you and Pam and Alyssa are all cuckoo bananas! His hair is fantastic no matter how you muss it up. And of course his nipple is freakishly pointy: He’s thinking of me (that or it’s very cold out there on that rocky beach just before he breaks his neck).
This man and his bulging adams apple are divine and I will not be convinced that I’m wrong. No way. Mmmmmm mmm. NOPE.
10 Caroline // Nov 30, 2007 at 1:46 am
javier is the hottest of the hot..wanna go see Love in the Time of Cholera with me…we can sit there and cry while we bite our knuckles.
11 Kerry // Nov 30, 2007 at 9:20 am
He’s hot
12 Gabe's Mom // Nov 30, 2007 at 10:11 am
I found your blog and I love it! I have to totally agree… he is gorgeous.
Mine, however, is Jeffery Dean Morgan….Oh My!
PS: I am also an adoptive mom:
http://www.akagabesmom.blogspot.com
13 Aaryn // Nov 30, 2007 at 11:11 am
Thank you, Caroline, Kerry and Gabe’s Mom, for bringing some sanity back to the conversation. Pam’s husband came by last night to tell me how NOT attractive this man is and I had to throw him out. He’s not welcome back until he apologizes. He can have his own opinion but not in my home. Sorry, Azron.
I mean, it comes down to this: Javier Bardem is a work of art. He’s like a painting from the cubist period (is there such a thing?) or a statue carved from marble. Like Michelangelo carved away the marble to reveal what was underneath, so is Javier. And if you can’t see that? Well, then. You just can’t appreciate fine art, is all I’m sayin’.
He’s imperfect, a little broken, a lot rugged; he is no pretty boy like Brad Pitt. He’s a man, baby! That’s what I like.
@Caroline: Let’s go! Email me. I was dying when I saw that he plays the unrequited lover (could they have chosen a more perfect man for the role?) but then a little bummed at Benjamin Bratt. There is no way, however, that the movie could possibly be as good as the novel, so I’m lowering expectations.
@Gabe’s mom: Jeffery Dean Morgan…I’m going to google him. I’m also going to stop by your blog during Ruby’s nap time today. Thanks for stopping by.
14 Aaryn // Nov 30, 2007 at 11:14 am
@Gabesmom: Jeffery Dean Morgan indeed! I don’t know who the hell he is but he’s got the same man-thing going on. Thank you so very much for cluing me in!
15 Anonymous // Nov 30, 2007 at 12:44 pm
HE IS BEAUTIFUL - ABSOLUTELY PERFECT
16 Gaydi // Nov 30, 2007 at 12:45 pm
You can’t have him….he’s mine….and I found him first (years ago).
Love,
Your mother
17 JeSais // Dec 1, 2007 at 7:33 pm
eeeowwwza!
I’m totally there…. but did you see him in No Country for Old Men? yuck. but that only shows you what a good actor he is!
love those latinos. ole!
18 Aaryn // Dec 2, 2007 at 12:33 am
@mom: can’t we just share?
@je sais: haven’t seen the film (i’m a mom…i don’t go to movies anymore) but i did see trailers and he’s downright frightening. but again, he is acting and i find it totally hot that he can set aside vanity to become something so utterly unattractive. i agree that he’s a brilliant actor. again: le sigh.
19 Professor J // Dec 4, 2007 at 7:05 pm
Hi, I just happened accross your blog. Javier is lovely, and I quite enjoyed Love in the Time of Cholera. Of course not as much as the book, but it was a fine movie, and Javier was wonderful.
And I’ve got to love any woman who puts Cornel West on her Secret Crush list.
20 bordtodth // Dec 6, 2007 at 3:59 pm
I’d do anything for you…you’re my one-&-only….but some things simply can’t be shared! Sorry, My Sweet Pretty, he’s allllll mine…you may have Mr. Soccer!
Your mother
P.S. Saw the premier of the brilliant, creepy, thought-provoking “No Country…”. Josh Brolin was there for a post-movie discussion. He commented that Javier anguished because with THAT HAIRDO he’d NEVER GET A DATE!!!
21 bordtodth // Dec 6, 2007 at 4:06 pm
Just in case my last comment doesn’t get published, he’s MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINEMINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINEMINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINEMINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINEMINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINEMINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINEMINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love,
Your mother
22 E'l Roy // Dec 6, 2007 at 11:00 pm
I’m not sure where the Secret Boyfriend thing started, but after seeing it on everyone else’s blogs I thought, what the hell–and I threw in my SBF post. I mean, big deal if a woman posts about her secret-never-gonna-happen crush! I’ll admit, though, that since any real secret crush I might have would involve one of the fairer sex, my SBF would hardly be anyone so…adams-appley.
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