After suffering under the weight of trying to keep mental track of my daily obligations, I finally procured for myself a 2008 weekly engagement calendar (no Crackberry for this girl—I roll old school with ink and pulp). I spent a chunk of Monday night transcribing the scribbles and transferring the scraps from last year’s calendar. It’s a bittersweet ritual: Looking back through an entire year to see my life as a series of bikini waxes, marriage counseling appointments, pediatrician visits and oil changes really underscores my life as a bonafide grown-up. But then there are the celebrations, vacations, birthdays and holidays reminding me of the memories I’ve made and of the times I can let it all go and act like a child.
I have a habit of making quick notes on stickies—jotting down the name of an author I heard interviewed by Terry Gross or a band I heard on Morning Becomes Eclectic—and then slapping them in my calendar with the intention of tossing them once I’ve made my purchase. Somehow, the stickies seem to stick with me. I have one that’s been trailing me since 2006 and I can’t seem to ditch it because I know that this year, I’ll track down those CDs.
Among the stickies and tucked just inside the front and back covers, I found other important-at-one-time bits of information that I weeded through, keeping only the most pertinent leftovers, like, say, a parking ticket from last October. Oops. (And I can’t believe I just wrote that here because Sam reads this and he’s bound to go into a seizure when he does. Sorry, honey. It’s all taken care of now. I swear.) I also came across a gift certificate for a Botox treatment that my hairdresser gave me in December. She gave it to me after confessing she’d had it done. She looked fantastic. Flawless, really, but then she should: She’s 26. That’s another story.
I took the gift certificate from her in a moment of swirly-eyed, euphoric, pseudo-empowerment. Like, Wow, yeah, I should do it. For myself! I’m going to be forty (in two years) and why the fuck not? Sam won’t notice…hell, I won’t even tell him! It will be a little test! Granted, I’d had a couple glasses of wine and my hairdresser was happily egging me on with her convincing there’s-absolutely-nothing-wrong-with-it permission slip. It was all just crazy talk, though, and after I left I totally forgot that I’d slipped the gift certificate into my calendar. Until Monday when it reared it’s ugly but smooth as Joan River’s (fore)head.
Now, I’m philosophically against injecting botulinum toxin into my body but the thought of making the crevasse between my eyebrows go bye-bye is, admittedly, seductive. Especially because it’s free. Free makes the procedure seductive in stilettos, fishnet stockings and a garter belt. It’s ridiculous, I know and Sam balks at the fact that I haven’t torn the gift certificate to pieces. But when he saw it still sitting on the dining room table tonight, stacked on top of our voter guides, he finally capitulated.
“Just go for it, baby. I mean, why not?” he said. “Get your face done, get a labia lift, you’ll be good to go!”
I’m not really sure how to interpret this.
20 responses so far ↓
1 susan m // Jan 16, 2008 at 10:11 pm
don’t tear it up! I’ll give it a good home.
2 aaryn b. // Jan 16, 2008 at 10:35 pm
it’s all yours.
saving it for you…
3 kerry // Jan 17, 2008 at 4:08 am
Oh so tempting. But don’t. You are so gorgeous, you don’t need no Botox…
The other? Hmm. That’s an interesting combo your husband came out with.
4 VeloCC // Jan 17, 2008 at 5:24 am
First of all you DO NOT NEED IT!!!!
But why not keep it for a case of emergency (bad skin day or such?)
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE you guest post on Mrs. G’s site.
You are such a gifted writer makes me feel embarrassed about my scribbles…
You are are great inspiration Aaryn. I LOVE it!
5 Melanie at BeanPaste // Jan 17, 2008 at 6:18 am
Really great post at Mrs. G’s.
For what it’s worth, I really don’t think you need one bit of fahncy botulism. Your face is gorgeous and expressive just as it is, for all INTENSIVE PURPOSES. Hee.
“bikini waxes, marriage counseling appointments, pediatrician visits and oil changes”
Also, it occurs to me that, when one is a proper grown-up, life is just a series of tune-ups, isn’t it?
6 Mrs. G. // Jan 17, 2008 at 8:36 am
I just wouldn’t. I would leave this one alone. Have you seen the foreheads of Hollywood lately?
I absolutly will not comment on the other matter.
7 Tootsie Farklepants // Jan 17, 2008 at 9:13 am
I’m terrified of needles that go in the face, free or no. Until something else comes along I will rely heavily on my L’Oreal wrinkle de-crease. I’m also old-school when it comes to keeping track of my schedule. I can barely work my Razor phone without the manual so I can’t imagine what I’d do with a Blackberry.
8 Pam // Jan 17, 2008 at 9:35 am
Take it from me, hon, facial paralysis makes it very hard to show your child how much you love her, give your husband the evil eye, or express horror at the ongoing crimes of our government.
DON’T DO IT!
9 zenmomma // Jan 17, 2008 at 9:49 am
Oh man, a labia lift! Um, ew.
10 Beth // Jan 17, 2008 at 10:15 am
Labia lift? Ouch. (Valiantly refraining from Googling this…) ;^)
11 amaya // Jan 17, 2008 at 12:42 pm
Ha! A labia lift! That’s too funny!
Free does make it easy, but I say stick to your principles, otherwise what are you left with?
12 mrs. blogoway // Jan 17, 2008 at 5:12 pm
Love all your witty answers over at Derfwad. What a wonderful morning you wrote about… I loved the part about the Dos Equis. After I gave birth to my little girl (10 yrs. ago) my husband said, “You must be hungry. What can I get you? I’ll drive and get you whatever you want.” And I said, “get me a six pack of Ice House.” LOL.
13 Jenn @ Juggling Life // Jan 17, 2008 at 5:20 pm
Sent your way by Mrs. G.
Hold your line against the plastic people! I was at an appointment with a plastic surgeon for one of my kids a couple of years ago. He looked at me and said “Looks like you’re about ready for some Botox.” I quickly picked me jaw up off the floor and rejoined, “I’m entirely too self-confident to need Botox.” These lines are from who I am, and where I’ve been; I’m not giving them up so it’s eaiser for someone else to look at me. (I will, however, cover them up with bangs).
14 meanie // Jan 17, 2008 at 5:24 pm
it’s temporary, it can be undone. i’d give it a try - but that’s just me (and i look angry all the time!)
15 anastasia beaverhausen // Jan 18, 2008 at 6:32 am
Yeah…it’s tempting. But no one’s gonna mess with my girl parts.
16 Janet // Jan 18, 2008 at 9:43 am
a 26 year old getting botox? *shakes head*
Labia lift…LMAO! Did you see that episode of Dr. 90210 when he did a labiaplasty and vaginoplasty on his 24 year old surgery scheduler? She says, on the show, that considering the doctor is more like a father figure, she feels comfortable with him. Um…all kinds of wrong there!
Loved your interview over at Mrs. G.’s … your photography is fabulous! I have the Canon 20d, earlier model than yours…love it!
Finally…my second ex-husband, born to parents that spoke Spanish as their primary language, always used mixed up phrases like: “for all intensive purposes”…
17 meanie // Jan 18, 2008 at 10:04 am
eeek! did i leave a comment saying i would try a labiaplasty??? nononoonon! i would try botox…on my face….no where else….
phew!
18 Jan // Jan 18, 2008 at 10:23 am
I had botox injects, for migraines. Last resort. Hello!! They hurt!! - But they really helped my migraines, down from dailey, up to nine a week, to 3-4 a month. Heavenly, I’d do it again, but did I mention, They Hurt!! Not something I’d volunteer for.
19 wine » Blog Archive » For all “intensive purposes” // Jan 19, 2008 at 6:49 pm
[...] Read the rest of this great post here [...]
20 amaya // Jan 24, 2008 at 12:34 pm
Just saw this and thought of you: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22824345/
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