I smell a (cloned) rat
I’ve always had trouble with the word “ironic” and it’s various forms. I recently used it improperly in a column and didn’t realize it until a fellow columnist, the original Ed Decker, so kindly pointed out my mistake. He likes to do that. Point out my flubs, always after I go to press because he’s usually too busy—swilling cheap scotch, watching reality television and sweatin’ his own column—to proofread mine.
Ed launches his straight-forward critiques in detailed e-mail missives but he does so in a kind and opinionated way, the way a conscientious opinionated opinion-haver should. To be fair, he also gives me props quite frequently. It’s the yin and the yang and I’ll gladly take both since neither is as meaningful—or as humbling—without the other.
But back to irony. According to dictionary.com, the definition is as follows:
- the expression of one’s meaning by using language that normally signifies the opposite, typically for humorous or emphatic effect : “Don’t go overboard with the gratitude,” he rejoined with heavy irony.
- a state of affairs or an event that seems deliberately contrary to what one expects and is often amusing as a result : [with clause ] the irony is that I thought he could help me.
When I used the word, I made the very common and rather annoying mistake of substituting it for the more contextually appropriate “coincidental,” a gaffe just slightly less grating than the made-up, hybrid word “irregardless.”
Tonight, I am going to see if I can’t redeem myself by trying, again, to employ the word in *its* intended definition. I’m still not convinced I’m on the right track. Please, all you english teachers and sentence structure experts, feel free to weigh in if I’ve gone and screwed it up again. I do this writing thing on the fly and barely know my adverb from my pronoun.
So, here I go…
Dr. Randall Lutter, the FDA’s Deputy Commissioner for Policy had this to say about cloned animals: “The meat and milk from cattle, swine and goat clones are as safe to eat as the food we eat every day.” (This in and of itself is laughable but ironic? I’m not confident.) Furthermore, because they’ve somehow deemed “there’s no scientific difference” between cloned food and—I don’t know how to word this—a naturally occurring animal (?), the FDA will not mandate any kind of labeling of cloned food products. So, just like with Genetically Modified food, the consumer won’t have the necessary information to make an informed choice about what she puts on her daughter’s dinner plate. Isn’t this ironic, this “reassuring” commentary (that part is mos def ironic) coming from the governmental body that first approved and then re-approved Vioxx?
Okay…so maybe I screwed it up again. It may not be ironic at all.
But it is royally fucked.
And that I know I used properly.
Also, I love how you called me “honey.”
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