I really want to write something funny today, something lighthearted and a little bit…well, lighthearted. Because lighthearted, I ain’t at the moment, and I’m thinking (hoping, wishing) it might be a self-fulfilling prophecy.
So yes. I want to tell a story about me, perhaps describe a time in which I accidentally, publicly humiliated myself. There are so many stories to choose from…
Like the time in 1986 when I spent a week performing with The Children’s Dance Theater in Washington D.C. and we stayed in cabins at the El Gonquian National Forest. I was sixteen, that dangerous age of thinking I was all-knowing and Super Cool when really? I was just Super Geeky and Super Self-Conscious while pretending to be Super Self-Confident. After a long day of rehearsals, the group of us changed out of dance clothes for a late afternoon party. And it was to this party that I wore my oldest and very favorite t-shirt without a bra and without realization—until it was discreetly pointed out to me by my male dance teacher—that there was a hole in said shirt, strategically worn through directly over my pale left nipple. MORTIFIED doesn’t even begin to describe the feeling with which I slinked back to my cabin and remained until the next morning, unable to look my teacher in the eyes for the rest of the trip.
I wanted to write something like that (and I’m glad I just did since I wasn’t sure I had it in me at the moment) but I’m busy feeling sorry for myself today. I’m not getting a whole lot better here and, in fact, spent yesterday in an intimate embrace with first my toilet and then my shower drain as I alternately vomited and then displayed other nifty side effects from the antibiotic my body currently appears to be rejecting. Lucky me, I get to go back to the doctor tomorrow for additional chest X-rays and who-knows-what-else.
I feel like an old man resigned to a La-Z-Boy future, pack of smokes on the side table, a bourbon in one hand and a remote in the other. He’s greasy with a brillo-textured, five ‘o-clock shadow, brownish-yellow teeth, a stretched out wife beater complete with cola-stains and dark orange pit rings and he insists on wearing dumpy blue boxer shorts with a fly that just won’t stay shut. In other words, I’m feeling Super Sexy.
At least my nipple’s not hanging out in public. There’s that to be grateful for.
11 responses so far ↓
1 Cheri // Feb 27, 2008 at 4:55 pm
Oh, Sweetie. Here’s a hug from me to you, and I don’t even mind hugging you with your orange pit stains and greasy hair, that’s how much I *HEART* you.
I hope you feel better soon.
XOXOXO
2 Beth // Feb 27, 2008 at 5:13 pm
Oh my goodness, I have vivid memories of, well, intestinal flora disturbances caused by antibiotics, and they ain’t pretty. You have my sympathy and wishes for your quick recovery. *hug*
3 Natalie // Feb 27, 2008 at 6:44 pm
Oh, I feel you. I don’t think I have it half as bad as you - at least not bad enough for me to put up with the student health runaround long enough to actually SEE a doctor - but I have spent a decent amount of time in the past few days intimately studying my bathroom tiles. Last night, thoroughly dehydrated and convinced I was delirious, I was in the process of wondering who to call to take me to the hospital, and if I could even go to the hospital with my shitty student health insurance. I guess the later was a clue that I wasn’t quite so delirious, so I ended up taking some aspirin and falling back asleep on my sweat-soaked sheets. Ugh, I hate being sick.
4 Mrs. G. // Feb 27, 2008 at 9:35 pm
This reminds me of (Seinfeld) Elaine’s nipple Christmas card.
I’m sorry you feel so wretched. I hope tomorrow is better.
5 joe // Feb 27, 2008 at 11:11 pm
Hey, Nip –
Hope you get on the right antibiotic track tomorrow and heal up quick!
6 stacy // Feb 27, 2008 at 11:29 pm
oh, girl, I miss you so. I wish I was there to make you a cuppa soup (or something) and sit on the couch, petting your pretty hair and entertaining Ruby until you felt better.
7 Prof. J // Feb 28, 2008 at 7:48 am
Feel better soon.
8 Kim // Feb 28, 2008 at 8:17 am
I’m so hoping you feel better soon.
Sleep, rest, sleep, nap… if you can.
9 Jenn // Feb 28, 2008 at 11:59 am
oh man… I am so glad I am not you today.
which makes me think of the quote from Nacho Libre, “It sucks to be me right now”
10 Tammy // Feb 28, 2008 at 1:14 pm
I’m so sorry you’re still sick. I hope you feel better soon!!
11 sheryl // Feb 28, 2008 at 2:46 pm
Hey there woman
I love the site so I come here often but don’t comment much (sorry about that).
I was recently ill and it can do such a number on how you feel emotionally. I hear you on that one and hope you get better, pronto.
I saw this article this morning and it made me think of you immediately, (Thank you for the post where you linked to the Salon article re: being a woman and struggling with the choice between Obama and Hillary)
http://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/editorial_opinion/oped/articles/2008/02/28/its_the_metaphysics_stupid
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