I’m not a violent person. I’m fiery and definitely need to blow off steam when I become agitated but that is why God invented the treadmill, Reese’s Peanut Butter eggs, Italian-made stilettos and sex. I’m thankful for these positive outlets because without them, I might be prone to hurling large objects at my husband’s head each time he insists on jumping up and down on my last nerve while wearing his soccer cleats.
Since I am a passivist at the core of my chilled heart, I am deeply disturbed by the urge I have to punch Ralph Nader in the face. I can see it so clearly that the virtual execution of it actually feels like I’ve run 3 miles: My tight fist smashes him squarely above his top lip, my sharp middle knuckle catches the tip of his nose and his entire face caves inward, swallowing my hand up to my wrist. There are stars swirling around his head along with the words blow! and splat! and whammo!
My other, more green fantasy is to grab this pseudo-patriot by the ear, toss him to the gutter where my hybrid is parked and force the narcissistic imp to deep throat my tailpipe while I rev the engine in neutral. The idea of Nader choking on my fumes is equally as satisfying as him choking on my knuckle sandwich.
Jeeze. I sure do hope I can get back to the gym sometime soon…
6 responses so far ↓
1 Suck it, Ralph · Treadmill Reviews and Information // Feb 25, 2008 at 2:26 pm
[...] Original post by aaryn belfer [...]
2 Soccer » Suck it, Ralph // Feb 25, 2008 at 2:55 pm
[...] aaryn belfer â
3 Tiara // Feb 26, 2008 at 2:29 pm
Nice to know someone else has the same violent urges towards that man! When I read about his announcement I yelled at the computer screen and had to actually get up and walk (stomp) away to prevent lashing out at the bearer of such news– my laptop. *snort*
4 Tootsie Farklepants // Feb 27, 2008 at 1:25 pm
Ralph Nader is a douchebag.
5 Cheri // Feb 27, 2008 at 4:57 pm
I’ll hold him down while you punch his face, k?
6 edwin decker // Feb 28, 2008 at 11:56 am
I’ll never understand this vitriol toward this great American, this patriot, this warrior for the common man.
Nader is for electoral reform. Nader goes after corporate crime. Nader protects workers’ rights. Nader is a hardcore consumer advocate. Nader is for civil rights (including gay marriage). Nader is focused on the environment. Ralph Nader has proven himself time and again to be a man of the people, and, being something of a person myself, I voted him last time around.
I mean, this is the guy who produced countless exposés of industrial hazards, pollution and unsafe products. He played a key role in creating the Environmental Protection Agency, the Occupational Safety & Health Administration, the Freedom of Information Act, the Consumer Product Safety Commission, and anyone who says it is a waste to vote for a guy like that can kiss my independent ass.
Ralph Nader is not a Democrat, he has no allegiance to the democratic party. He sees both as corrupt and unfit for office and therefore doesn’t, or shouldn’t, care that his candidacy hurts the Dems.
It’s time for a change people, Ralph Nader recognizes that.
ed
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