I ventured out against wind and rain yesterday to enjoy brunch with a few girlfriends who I don’t get to see as often as I would like, due primarily to the amazingness of each of them and their subsequent high demand by others. Of course, I’m busy too, but it’s not because I’m needed at fabulous and important events. No. It’s simply because of my obligations as the mother of a toddler and nagging wench to a lovely man who truly deserves better. I often tell Sam that, in the case of my untimely death, he should grieve openly for at least 24-hours and then go out and find himself a petite, kind-hearted, soft-spoken woman who isn’t chained to her laptop and who lovingly rubs his feet and alternately plays make-believe with Ruby while enjoying it.
During our meal at The Adams Avenue Grill—where we encountered what could possibly be categorized as the worst customer service in the restaurant industry, and if you’re thinking about eating there, my advice to you would be SKIP IT—our conversation turned to Super Tuesday and who each of us would be voting for. One of the my lovely friends dismissed me as a vote-waster with a flip of her hand because I’d mentioned last week that I was still checking the box next to John Edwards’ name. If ever there was a time for me to vote my conscience, it is now. Or, at least, it was at the time that Edwards pulled his name from the roster of presidential hopefuls.
I bristled at being mocked for my potential conscience vote and—given that I’m not the fictional, pushover second wife to my betrothed—I said as much to my teasing friend. I understand where her prodding comes from: She firmly believes that the system works whereas I firmly believe it doesn’t. What I have come to believe, however, is that no vote—other than the one never cast—is a wasted vote. In my mind, any person who takes the time to actually show up and participate in our democracy should be free to cast a vote for whomever she wants without fear of ridicule.
All of that being said, I am not voting for John Edwards. It is one day before what might just be the most important primary election in my lifetime and I cannot go into the voting booth to make a political statement by voting for someone who isn’t running. It would appear that this time, perhaps my vote might matter, which means I have to choose. It’s either Clinton or Obama and, like Rebecca Traister over at Salon (who’s written a fantastic piece I wish I’d written), for the first time in my life, I am undecided. Neither of the remaining Democratic candidates presents policies that overwhelmingly appeal to me. But I know we need a Democrat in the White House and so I’m reduced to voting for whomever I think can beat the Republican candidate.
The thing is this: I have no confidence in the American public, which has been obscenely apathetic as BushCo wiped it’s muddied Crocs all over the Constitution during these past seven years. I don’t believe that a majority of our populace is going to vote for a woman, or more specifically, this
I hope I’m wrong. I really, really hope I’m wrong
Because if I’m not? Well, then…I suppose I could walk into the voting booth tomorrow, and write in the name of my dog without wasting my vote.
19 responses so far ↓
1 san // Feb 4, 2008 at 12:28 pm
Damn. I wish I could vote. Only this one time. Now that I live in this country, I wish I could help turn this nightmare around that has been in the White House for the last 7 years.
My vote would have been for Edwards as well. Well, actually Kucinich, but he didn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell.
2 Jenn // Feb 4, 2008 at 12:55 pm
I’m a fan of Obama. None of them are perfect, but for some reason I have an affinity for Obama. I practically get teary-eyed when I hear him speak. Ridiculous, I know.
Can’t wait to vote. And if it is down to Obama/Clinton vs. McCain and God-Knows-Who, I think the Dems will win.
3 Kizz // Feb 4, 2008 at 12:55 pm
Amen. I just do not know what to do and the more I read about it and think about it the less I have any freaking idea what to do. Tomorrow morning at some bleary hour I will stand in at tiny metal box and….pull some lever. Until then I’m hoping for some sort of divine intelligence to be channeled into me for this decision.
4 Martha // Feb 4, 2008 at 1:50 pm
Well, if you do change your mind and vote Edwards, we can comiserate.
I am registered as a permanent absentee so my ballot was dropped in the mail two hours before my candidate, Kucinich dropped out of the race.
Grrrr.
It’s hard. There’s just only so much assramming one can take.
5 Pam // Feb 4, 2008 at 1:50 pm
No, no, I was mocking you based on my mistaken assumption that you had voted absentee, and that therefore your vote was (sadly) wasted.
I’m not one to mock conscience votes–hell, I voted for Dennis Kucinich last time! But this time, it counts, so we must choose.
I’ve never been this undecided in my life, and the wise counsel of those lovely, in-demand ladies only confused me further.
Perhaps it’s “eenie-meenie-miney-mo?”
6 AzronMcF // Feb 4, 2008 at 2:50 pm
I think voting for Kucinich or Edwards tomorrow is perfectly fine! I think it still sends a message. Especially in this primary. The 2 remaining candidates are both great in my book.
I know who I’m voting for… it was a 48%/52% situation… but I don’t really care who wins.
I’ll happily vote for either in November.
I would love it if whoever wins asks the other to be their running mate.
7 Fairy Godmother // Feb 4, 2008 at 4:19 pm
First of all, Sam would be so bored. So would Ruby.
I’m in the same position you’re in about who to vote for with Edwards out of the race. As much as I have always admired Bill, I’m afraid that after his recent behavior, the Presidency could really be a Hilli/Billy. I don’t think I’m ready for that. I want only one president in the Whitehouse. Therefore, using my best powers of deduction, I guess Obama is the one. Though I hate to say it.
8 Aaryn // Feb 4, 2008 at 5:18 pm
I, too, am an absentee voter. However, the registrar’s office screwed up and never sent my ballot. I’m thankful, since I do feel bad for those who would have liked the opportunity to vote for someone other than those who threw in the towel. Martha, I feel for you. I hear Preparation H is not only good for under-eye bags but also for pain and itching associated with ass ramming.
I agree, Azron, that an Obama/Clinton ticket (or vice versa) would be the one way to assure the Democrats get to redecorate the Oval Office. But are their egos too big for either to settle for such conciliatory positioning? Time will tell, as one of them is not going to get the nomination. But wouldn’t that just be the coup de grace???
Finally, for anyone who checks back here, I read a terrific (if a little lengthy) piece today in the Atlantic Monthly. It was published in December but is so pertinent and helped me decide where I will place my check mark tomorrow. It’s written by Andrew Sullivan who I quite often haven’t agreed with during the past 7 years. But he makes a fine and convincing argument for why Obama’s time is now. If you can, print this out and read it before you vote. I’d be interested on hearing any other opinions of the piece. It’s very, very compelling. You can get it over here:
http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200712/obama
Thanks for reading, you all.
And Pam: je t’adore.
9 chris // Feb 4, 2008 at 5:50 pm
thanks for the Sullivan link..it feels right on and is persuasive - and ironically a contradiction of the principle behind MLK’s directive to judge a man by content, not color . The message President Obama’s name and face would send out to the world is the sort of Shock and Awe campaign I would like to be a part of…
10 alice // Feb 4, 2008 at 6:10 pm
As I see it, that article is just so much more Hillary Hating. There is a limit to the benefit Obama’s “newness” brings, and no limit to the damage that can be done by incompetence, as we’ve seen over the past eight years. I’d take him over Bush any day, but I’d take Hillary over any of them in a heartbeat.
11 John Edwards » Blog Archive » That’s Ms. Milktoast, if you please // Feb 4, 2008 at 6:35 pm
[...] aaryn belfer wrote an interesting post today on That’s Ms. Milktoast, if you pleaseHere’s a quick excerptAll of that being said, I am not voting for John Edwards…. [...]
12 Mrs. G. // Feb 4, 2008 at 9:36 pm
What does it say about me that now that Edwards is out of the race, I am changing my mind almost daily? This is not like me. I am so conflicted. I’m glad I have quite a while to waffle. I will head over and read the article.
13 EastGirlsWest » Blog Archive » We Live in Interesting Times // Feb 4, 2008 at 11:21 pm
[...] friends, all of them female, are in the same hand-wringing cycle of hope, pride, fear and guilt that leaves [...]
14 melanie // Feb 5, 2008 at 3:02 am
I feel exactly like you do on so many key points Aaryn. I actually cried when Edwards pulled out! How silly is that? And now I’m left with this dilema on who to choose. I have no faith in a public who put W in office for a second term. Strangely enough, I really like Clinton, but only because I loved Bill and maybe that’s the only reason. But I don’t think we’re at the point where the American public will have the confidence to vote in a woman president. So I am going to vote for Obama. The more I read about him the more I like him. Plus, like you, even though I honestly don’t believe in the system and that each and every vote counts, this year, if it really DOES count, then I need to make mine count. And as crazy as it sounds, maybe with Oprah backing him, just maybe all those women who watch her will go and vote for him. Crazier things have happened.
15 Angela // Feb 5, 2008 at 8:59 am
The Atlantic piece is brilliant - I actually gave it to Tom F. when it came out and we talked about it at length. Sullivan does an amazing job of tapping into broader political and societal patterns, and using them to explain why Obama could make a real difference - not just the difference that is romantically described as Camelot. I’m quickly getting over the strong nostalgic streak surrounding him, but I get why, as a campaign strategist, you would make it work for your candidate.
Sullivan even points out that the whole marketing of America to the rest of the world changes when you have a man named Barack Obama in the White House.
16 Melanie at BeanPaste // Feb 5, 2008 at 12:30 pm
I attended an Obama rally on Saturday (in Boise, Idaho of all places) and he still has my vote. I wrote a weepy, earnest, fangirl-ish post about it. I watched fifteen thousand (!) Idahoans fill an arena and was astounded that any Democrat could achieve that kind of turn-out in a state that is described as the reddest of the red.
And that Atlantic piece brilliantly cuts to the heart of the matter: in a dangerously divisive, embattled country, a candidate like Obama is our best hope for healing and change.
And I like Hillary, and would love to vote for her someday, but I fear she’s simply not the candidate for today.
17 Tootsie Farklepants // Feb 5, 2008 at 11:12 pm
I hope we’re wrong too. You aren’t the first person (there have been many) that I’ve encountered that is (was) literally undecided between Obama and Clinton. I wavered back and forth the last few months and particularly the last few weeks. I finally cast my vote for Obama today for 2 reasons…1) the sense of hope I was filled with after watching his speech at the 2004 DNC, and 2) because I think a man has more of a chance to be elected (which is an unfortunate belief).
I’ll be happy with either of them, frankly.
18 Karol // Feb 6, 2008 at 8:42 pm
So…we don’t vote for Hillary because we fear a woman can not get elected? Perhaps this is true because we’ve all bought into that fear. I understand the dilemma; I stood in the voting booth forever yesterday before finally filling in an oval, but to use that as a reason not to vote for her seems like a self-fulfilling prophecy.
19 Aaryn // Feb 6, 2008 at 9:00 pm
You bring up a really valid point, Karol. It’s a double -edged sword, if you will, and part of the reason I felt so awful when I didn’t vote for her yesterday. I like Hilary because she has experience in both foreign and domestic policy, as well as a nearly inhuman resilience to horrific and unfair mudslinging. But Obama offers the hope of something that I don’t dare believe exists but, after this past 7-plus years, am desperately needing to. I hate to say it but that appeals to my emotional side. Ultimately, it was something in Andrew Sullivan’s piece that swayed me: the idea that a brown skinned man with the name Barack Hussein Obama could offer up a different view of America to the rest of the world and perhaps begin to repair the damage done by BushCo. I think we could use that right now. And, when it comes down to it, this vote was only the primary and Clinton did well. If she is the candidate in November, I will vote for her proudly and without reserve.
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