I stood looking down at the names on my ballot for almost ten minutes before pressing my pen to the paper, hard, where I made small but determined circular motions with my hand as I filled in the bubble. I folded my ballot in half, tucked it into the envelope, licked and sealed it and then slipped it into the cardboard receptacle. I walked across the treated concrete floors of the new library and through the sliding glass doors into the late afternoon sunlight. I reached my left hand around to retrieve my car keys from my back pocket and grabbed them by my new key chain, a tag emblazoned with the familiar “Wonder Woman” script, a reminder that moments ago, I chose not to vote for one.
I felt really low about that. I think Hilary Clinton would make a great president. There are things about her that I don’t like—same for Obama—and she’s really pissed me off over the past seven years, but still. She is as qualified, if not more so, than any of the other candidates. And I’d love to vote for her to say, HELL YES she’s presidential material and HELL NO, I don’t buy the ugly rhetoric that dogs her. But I simply don’t think she’s electable.
Tonight, as I’m watching the news coverage and speeches, I’m feeling much better about my choice. And who knows? I may have a chance to vote for her in the near future. For now, I’m basking in the excitement of being present and accounted for and in the thrill of being a participant in a moment so historic.
11 responses so far ↓
1 Jenn // Feb 5, 2008 at 10:53 pm
amen.
2 Prof. J. // Feb 6, 2008 at 3:41 am
This particular issue is dogging the hell out of me. I don’t know what to do. I probably will choose Clinton. But I certainly understand your choice.
3 Kizz // Feb 6, 2008 at 7:04 am
It was such a toss up for me, and clearly I’m not alone. We have levers to push where I vote and I pushed all the little levers and then…couldn’t slide the big one over to commit to my vote. I just stood there in the booth for a few minutes waiting for some sort of divine certainty that never came.
4 Fairy Godmother // Feb 6, 2008 at 8:30 am
What made me sad yesterday was all the names still on the ballot representing better choices for me. But I did what had to do, and proudly wore my I Voted sticker. I think that sticker is a lot like a badge of honor: duty to one’s country and to one’s integrity. Still, here in snowy-blanketed Utah, only 40% voted in what is an incredibly important primary election. And just in case there are any republicans who read your blog, Romney won with 89%. Obama did better than Clinton but they will split the democratic delagates whereas the republicans throw all the delegates to Romney. Just think, in 10 months we get to make our voices heard louder and stronger and more decisive. I can’t wait for the day.
5 Caroline // Feb 6, 2008 at 9:18 am
Yes! I felt exactly the same way! Go Aaryn!
6 Melanie at BeanPaste // Feb 6, 2008 at 6:08 pm
I know what you mean. And the fact that you’re struggling and conflicted and regretful and anxious?
Just shows what a good, engaged, conscientious egg you are.
7 Trasi // Feb 7, 2008 at 3:19 pm
Agh, I know the feeling. I think Hillary is qualified, but politics is bidness. And what we need to do is make sure the Republicans cannot screw our country, our budget, and our liberty any more than they already have. Of all of the Republican candidates, I dislike McCain the least. However, I’d much rather see some “Let’s spend some of that money on AMERICANS, who live in AMERICA, rather than throwing it away on trying to resolve an unresolvable cultural clusterf*ck in the mideast that has endured for thousands of years. Gotta do what you gotta do. And Obama ain’t so bad. At least not yet. I always worry about them once they get the office and the title though.
8 Amy M. // Feb 7, 2008 at 10:58 pm
Your post so resonates with me as well. It is interesting to see what a common theme it is.
Amy
9 Sandy Feet // Feb 9, 2008 at 6:36 am
Once I made my decision, I felt better too. But it was hard. I don’t think she has much chance against McCain. Obama might.
10 Bipolarlawyercook // Feb 9, 2008 at 1:21 pm
It is hard, damned hard. But you’re not alone in making the decision you made. (Or taking the picture you did… my husband thought I was so weird for taking a pic of my ballot.)
11 mrs. blogoway // Feb 19, 2008 at 4:13 pm
Why is John Edwards included on that ballot? Just curious because I live in Texas and early voting just started here, today and I haven’t gone yet.
I’m so torn, too and I have a bad, bad feeling about this election…
Leave a Comment