It’s almost spring break and already the woo-hooing co-eds have lost all sense of time, space and neighborly decorum. Which means extra-loud converging directly in front of our home at obscene hours of the night; obscene to me since I stay awake past 10:00 p.m. these days only to feed my current addiction to “The Wire.” In other words: I’m old and inherently not cool. Being not-cool, I have the ability to recognize other not-cool things and partying on my front lawn after the bars close is one of them.
After six years of living in a college community—where said college has been publicly hailed as one of the top fifty party schools in the U.S.—we’re no neophytes when it comes to trying to get the offenders to take their noise down the road. We generally try a kind approach since there is no reasoning with a drunk person. Sometimes, they—the ones that were brung up right—apologize and politely comply. Sometimes, they’re actually embarrassed. But more often than not, we’re offered a predictable earfull of unoriginal language by squadrons of uber-entitled, unoriginal thinkers. Makes me even more disconcerted about our education system here in ‘Murka.
“Fuuuuuuuck YOU!” is the common beginning of the retort we hear in response to our pleas for quiet. “You’re the fuckhead/bitch/cunt/fill-in-your-favorite-derogatory-term-here who bought a house in the college area! What the fuck did you expect, asshole?” Indeed. The rudest offenders see us file a noise complaint with San Diego’s Finest, which doesn’t hold a whole lot of satisfaction given the depeleted police force and low-priority of such calls.
This weekend was extra-special, though with a never-before-experienced experience. Sam and I woke up to an exceptionally boisterous group chillin’ outside of Ruby’s room. At 3:00 a.m., we stepped onto our unlit porch and Sam asked the 15-or-so kids in the street to please shut the fuck up. It was not his most diplomatic effort—I was quite surprised by his bluntness—but it was late and it’s been a trying year. Besides, we now employ Wire-Speak. That’s just how we do.
A shadow of a girl screamed at him from the darkness. “Fuck YOU, motherfucker! I’ll fucking murder you! I’ll fucking MURDER you, motherfuckERRRRRRRR!” She kept repeating her threat even as one of her friends shushed her and guided her away from us. Maybe she watches The Wire, too.
Anyway, when you report that kind of noise complaint to the police department? Well, priorities shift and in slightly more time than it takes those alcohol-obliterated asshats to get safely into their cars and drive far, far away, there are two uniformed officers with very bright flashlights ringing your doorbell.
17 responses so far ↓
1 wenderina // Mar 17, 2008 at 4:06 pm
Ah yes. I look back on my days as a college student and cringe at my behavior. I remember the filter on all of my polite society manners disappearing after the 3rd drink, and that I could not understand people who wanted to go to sleep before 5AM or get up before 12 Noon.
I even used to go “elfing” - you know where you steal people’s prize lawn ornaments? How rude is that? And how many plastic flamingos and garden gnomes does a college student really need.
I feel your pain from the grown-up adult world, where I now expect to be in bed by 10PM and up at 7, and where I bolt my lawn ornaments to a slab of concrete…and yet… it does make me kinda nostalgic.
2 Cheri // Mar 17, 2008 at 5:14 pm
Keep that trusty camera and big-ass lens by the front door.
3 Jenn @ Juggling Life // Mar 17, 2008 at 5:33 pm
You’ll have to remember this next time you need a quick response. “I’m not sure what they said, but it could have been . . .”
We oldsters need our sleep!
4 Tootsie Farklepants // Mar 17, 2008 at 9:12 pm
Ahhh youth. Our future.
5 Alcohol Posts » How to get the five-oh to your door at dark-thirty on a Saturday // Mar 17, 2008 at 9:44 pm
[...] Aaryn wrote a fantastic post today on “How to get the five-oh to your door at dark-thirty on a Saturday”Here’s ONLY a quick extractThey have two uniformed officers with very bright flashlights ringing your doorbell in slightly more time than it takes those alcohol-obliterated asshats to get safely into their cars and drive far, far away. [...]
6 Kizz // Mar 18, 2008 at 5:42 am
I have to use “well I can smell pot…” or “they might have said gun but I can’t see if they have one” to get any response. Of course when there was an actual fight with improvised weapons it took the police forever to get there and I was accused of “calling it in wrong.” NYPD, New York’s…something.
7 Prof. J. // Mar 18, 2008 at 9:43 am
Oh my gosh. I’m thinking this girl needs some help. “I’ll murder you?” That’s just disturbing.
8 Tandi // Mar 18, 2008 at 11:56 am
Sorry, but nothing could possibly be louder than living on South Beach for 6 years (long story). At a frustrated point I had a daytime discussion with some cops near my apartment, explaining a constant noise disturbance from my neighbors. Know what the cop told me? Next time, simply casually mention, “It sounds like a fight”. An ambiguos, non-committal phrase that works like magic. Since then I have used it to gain less than 5 minute police responses about 15 times. A real keeper.
9 amelia // Mar 18, 2008 at 12:30 pm
Have you thought about one of those sprinkler “scarecrow” thingies that they make to keep cats out of your yard? You hook up your hose to this motion detector thing and when it detects motion, it sprays the “cat” with water. College students are probably about as trainable as cats, so it will take a few blasts of the water before they get it, but eventually they will…
10 Jenn // Mar 18, 2008 at 2:26 pm
LOVE amelia’s idea!
I had a peeping tom looking into my bedroom window in North Park… his face was inches from mine when I went to look out to investigate the noise.
My screams brought my neighbors out. One with a baseball bat. My 911 call got me. Um. Not sure. Never saw a cop. When I called later I was told that I should have requested the police stop in, that they did in fact log that they checked the area and all was clear.
Not sure if that policy is still in place in San Diego, but something to keep in mind if you have to call police.
I’ve only had one noise complaint where I currently live that necessitated calling the police– on the church that buts up against my back yard– it was Virgin of Guadalupe Day and at o Dark thirty the mariachis started so I called in a noise complaint. I’m probably going to hell….
11 aaryn b. // Mar 18, 2008 at 8:01 pm
I understand the nostalgia the loud kids might evoke but the threats of murder are pretty disturbing. I do like Amelia’s idea but after one or two sprays, the college kids would just come by and steal the scarecrow. Honestly, I don’t really want the cops to come out to the house. I trust them only slightly more than the college students. We just want to log specific complaints because there is a city policy here that helps reduce noise in our area after three complaints are recorded in one month. But I do find it interesting that as soon as we told them the content of the verbal outburst, they were all over us.
12 Jessica S Amezcua // Mar 19, 2008 at 7:43 am
Maybe you should hire the likes of Snoop and Chris to scare them off. On a side note, the Wire was my favorite show and I am so bummed that it is over — I looked forward to it every week.
13 aaryn b. // Mar 19, 2008 at 9:28 am
Ooooh, Snoop and Chris are just a tad too psychopathic for my taste. I think perhaps Omar would be the man to take care of this little girl.
I LOVE The Wire. We’ve been watching it on disc since late last month. It’s been an immersion for us and it is extra terribly painful that way. We’re finishing Season 4 tonight and will blow through Season 5 by the end of the weekend…provided we can survive it, emotionally.
14 Yiftach // Mar 20, 2008 at 7:45 am
Baseball bat, meet kneecaps. Kneecaps, baseball bat.
‘Nuff said.
15 Jessica S Amezcua // Mar 20, 2008 at 10:21 pm
You’re so right — Omar would be the guy.
I can’t tell you how many nights I stayed up to watch The Wire, much to the detriment of my kids (they watched more tv than I care to admit those days). Even though I’m sad that I no longer have The Wire to look forward to, it’s better for my kids.
I’m going to check out Homicide next — the same guys responsible for the The Wire produced or wrote (not sure) Homicide (also set in Baltimore). I don’t think it reached the caliber of The Wire, (what can?) but it supposedly was excellent (and my neighbor from Washington, DC was the bad guy — Luther Mahoney).
16 Andrew Phelps // Mar 29, 2008 at 5:36 am
Get a video camera, stand back silently and record the whole thing, and then post the clip online and show it at a City Council meeting.
17 Amy // Apr 12, 2008 at 7:59 pm
I stopped by to catch up on some of your latest posts. Where does the time go? Just had to chime in that we too have just launched our great addiction to The Wire. It sounds like you have been very busy to say the least. I hope you have found yourself returned to a heartier state of good health!
Hugs,
Amy M.
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