I’m a hypocrite. It’s true. Only, I’m not an elected official who holds high office and who’s publicly proclaimed to be the Ender of Corruption and who has ruined a very promising career over a little nookie. That would be Eliot Spitzer.
Me, I’m just a mom trying to do right by her daughter, feeling my way in the dark, sometimes getting it right and most times, flubbing it so massively that I lay awake worrying about the long-term implications of my actions and wondering how long it will be before all my failings come back to bite me in the ass. Not too long, I think.
A couple of weeks ago, I decided that I would no longer allow Ruby to watch The Little Mermaid. I never liked it, to be honest. But, when she became sick in December, I let her watch it as a substitute for the 24/7 showings of The Lady and The Trampoline because I could not bear to watch Lady one more time. I just couldn’t do it. In my haste to substitute Jim Dear and Darling with something a bit more contemporary—or so I thought—I gave Ruby the evil that is Ariel & Co. and hence, the child became fixated on a red-headed mermaid, her guppy and her prince.
By February, I felt dirty every time Ariel blink-blinked her gigantic eyes at the sunken statue of Prince Eric. I cringed each time she giggled in a coy voice, “Run away with me…?” I’d had enough of the Sea Witch slithering like a raw oyster from her cavernous home, a dark conch-shell that very much resembles a vagina. No more could I listen to her advise the heroine that all she needed to win the attention of her man was booody laaanguage.
Enough! I finally decided. Ruby will get plenty of these types of messages as she grows, I don’t need to be reinforcing them with a misogynistic Disney movie repeated daily in the comfort of my living room. And so it is that I used my magic mother powers to make the disc vanish—poof!— into thin air. It’s been all Elmo, all the time ever since and Ruby is obliviously content with that.
The day after the offending disc went to swim wit da fishes, however, what did I do? Me: The anything-he-can-do-I-can-do-equally-well-if-not-better, self-actualized, contemporary and empowered woman.
No, we’re not sitting in on a Women’s Studies course at the local university. We’re sitting at my local nail salon.
Where Ruby had her toe nails filed and painted in colors she selected all by herself.
And then, as if this weren’t bad enough, I chose the embellishments.
As my friend Angela kindly pointed out as I berated myself for my actions, I did NOT put the babe in a stretch limo with a non-alcoholic Cosmo. Leave it to sweet Angela to salvage a little sliver of my integrity.
But I’m considering that perhaps I should run for political office. It seems I have the necessary qualifications.
26 responses so far ↓
1 carrie // Mar 11, 2008 at 10:11 am
You two are adorable! You need a girl’s only day every once in a while & deserve to get spoiled. And don’t worry about your feminism… I’m sure you picked up the tab for the whole salon event.
2 Angel // Mar 11, 2008 at 10:28 am
Those toes are too cute for words! How’s everybody’s health these days?
3 Jenn // Mar 11, 2008 at 10:47 am
Hey. just because you are a feminist doesn’t mean your toes have to look ugly!
I see nothing wrong with teaching Ruby about nail salons.
4 jillian // Mar 11, 2008 at 11:42 am
It’s great to paint your nails and be pretty. But that “booody laaanguage” line sounds icky. Yuck. You did the right thing by tossing that disc - and I bet you looked fine doing it.
5 gitz // Mar 11, 2008 at 11:53 am
Being a feminist means doing what you wish, when you wish, on your terms. If you wish to have fabulous nails while conquering the world, totally within your feminist rights
6 Euphrosyne // Mar 11, 2008 at 12:33 pm
Relax, you. It’s not like you had her painted like a tiny whore, dressed in short-shorts and a crop top and gyrating like a well-trained stripper in front of a huge crowd. Oh wait, that would be my cousin and her six-year-old daughter at her last cheerleading event.
Fairy tales are kinda my thing. The more you think about The Little Mermaid (especially the Andersen version) the more horrifying it becomes: the bloody splitting of her tail into legs, the loss of speech and self, separation from her sisters…
Good call, Mama.
7 Mrs. G. // Mar 11, 2008 at 1:21 pm
A girl needs pretty toes to kick a little butt.
I haven’t seen the Little Mermaid, but it sounds creepy. Have you introduced Ruby to Wallace and Gromit? My kids couldn’t get enough of these two.
8 Pam // Mar 11, 2008 at 2:38 pm
Not to beat a dead horse, but I feel compelled to point out that Ursula is the VILLIAN who is trying to TRICK Ariel to exact revenge on her father, King Triton. In order to undermine Ariel and make it impossible to complete the terms of the deal, Ursula deprives Ariel of one of her most potent weapons - her voice. Everything Ursula tells Ariel is a lie to trick her.
And as a feminist who, as a kid, fantasized about “Alex,” my pretend husband, I think that talking and thinking about boys is normal, not harmful.
I respect your right to have your own opinions, but I just couldn’t let you defame my gal Ariel & co. without chiming in.
Love!
9 Malcolm // Mar 11, 2008 at 2:45 pm
Yep. I agree with the suggestion of trying Wallace & Gromit and learning the pleasures of cheese.
10 aaryn b. // Mar 11, 2008 at 2:58 pm
Okay, Pam. You made your point (and, BTW, never did I say talking about boys wasn’t normal). However, 16-year old Ariel still gives up everything that she is to sail off into the sunset—literally—in a white wedding dress with a guy she’s known for three days. Call it whatever you like, I don’t think the message in this movie is appropriate for an impressionable toddler and I don’t want Ruby watching it until she’s old enough to discuss it with me.
I watched all the princess movies as a child but generally, I saw them once, maybe twice. These days, kids watch them over and over again. I don’t think it’s a good thing.
I’ll look into Wallace and Gromit. We do so love cheese in our home…
11 Craig // Mar 11, 2008 at 3:52 pm
I also recommend Wallace and Gromit. Delightful silliness, no misogynistic messages, and extolling the virtues of cheese - sounds great to me.
And those toes are just adorable. It makes me want to go to a nail salon - so don’t worry about it being too feminine. And she is a great picker-outer of nail polish colours.
12 Pam // Mar 11, 2008 at 4:11 pm
Okay, I swore to myself that I would not join this argument….but here I am.
All fairy tales contain mixed messages and many serve as cautionary tales to “impressionable” children. Hansel and Gretel? It’s a tale of criminal child abuse and negligence, witchcraft and cannibalism, but it’s also a warning against gluttony, gullibility and disobedience.
Take it from a liberal arts major, you can read anything into anything. I spent four years watching films and reading books, then writing crap “analyses,” in which I could make up any ol’ crazy story I wanted, as long as I could back it up with historical and literary references. (Not that I am calling your analysis crap, of course!)
The key is, as you mention, to always watch/read with your kids, ask questions and provide context.
Wallace and Grommit rocks. Mechanical pants? GENIUS!!
Oh, and love the nails. I’m so jealous! Ruby’s had a pedicure more recently than I have!
13 Cheri // Mar 11, 2008 at 4:26 pm
I’m not joining the argument . . . uh, must stop self from typing . . . ahhhhhh. All I’m saying is that my two oldest daughters (now 23 and 21) loved watching Ariel (while I cringed), grew up to be liberal thinkers and voters (one a graduated Women’s Studies major even), and both will take a free professional pedicure on me anytime they roll into town. Ruby is gonna kick some ass with pretty feet.
14 Euphrosyne // Mar 11, 2008 at 5:57 pm
Your kiddo, your choice. You’re an authoritative, child-centered parent (oooh, I remembered something from Development 101) - she’ll be fine and dandy.
For me, it’s not so much the fairy tales, whatever the version, whatever the message - I loved fairy tales as a kid and I love them now, for different reasons entirely. I don’t plan on editing Nora’s reading choices, and I hope she does plenty of goopy daydreaming about boys or girls or, um, Vulcans (yeah, that’s right, so what?). With any luck, she’ll survive the romantic and sexist twaddle intact enough to see it clearly later on.
But I COMPLETELY agree with the instinct of “princess culture” avoidance; Disney et al are cranking out the pap as fast as thoughtless parents can feed it to their girls. Glitter and stardust and tiaras should be an occasional treat, not a steady diet or god help us, an identity.
And for the record, yeah, anyone could read anything into anything, and plenty of idiots do, but rigorous analysis is easily distinguished from sloppy thinking, no matter the discipline. You can’t fool everyone. Just mostly everyone.
15 Pam // Mar 11, 2008 at 7:57 pm
Well said, Euphrosyne!
16 Jenn @ Juggling Life // Mar 11, 2008 at 8:03 pm
I wear my fedora and dark glasses every time I take my 13 year old to get her eyebrows waxed. In my defense, we do have caveman eyebrows in my family!
Your daughter is a adorable and the toenails rock!
17 Prof. J. // Mar 12, 2008 at 3:00 am
I love that girl’s smile!
18 kerryanne // Mar 12, 2008 at 7:28 am
Sweet little toes
19 Bree // Mar 12, 2008 at 10:07 am
Ruby made the choice as to what color to get and I doubt she is old enough to understand foot fetishes… its a treat because its a novelty. I wouldn’t worry about it.
Disney is crap if you ask me, as a non- parent I espouse the evilness of Disney on the misogynistic/racial political brain washing.
I once had a little girl ask me if I could paint with all the colors of the wind….cuz I was Mohawk Gah! I hate disney.
20 melanie // Mar 12, 2008 at 10:16 am
Oh that top picture is SO awesome! Probably my favorite of you two ever! We’ve never seen The Little Mermaid at my house so I have no comment about that. My 7 and 10 year olds watch The Family Guy though… (oh yeah, just add it to the list of things I’m going to hell for…but they love it!) But they also love iCarly which is a really awesome show for kids. Not sure if Ruby is too young or not, but I think she might like it. It’s on Nickelodian. And for some reason my kids love all the old sitcoms like Full House and Fresh Prince. Will Smith is their favorite actor ever on the planet. They usually watch that every morning before school. But my kids are a little weird
I took Isabella to get her first pedicure when she was 5. To this day, she says it’s one of her best days ever! But it also created a monster because now I can’t just go get a pedicure by myself anymore unless I sneak out of the house (which I do at every opportunity), because she MUST go with me.
Again, I love that picture of you two! Those are the best smiles ever! And those toes!! Fantastic!
21 Euphrosyne // Mar 12, 2008 at 10:44 am
I totally missed that her toes are alternating pink and purple! This makes my day.
22 Francis Pruett // Mar 12, 2008 at 11:48 pm
Well done! To subdue the black-hearted misogyny of Disney with laquered nails is to definitely upgrade the vices. I like that there were upgrades, too, heh.
23 bordtodth // Mar 20, 2008 at 3:08 pm
Just catching up with the blog…. & want you to know that this one made me spew coffee from laughing out loud! Funnnny!
24 Mike of Mikentiffy // Mar 23, 2008 at 5:06 pm
I’m with Euphrosyne.
However, being the sarcastic ass I can be, when I think the Disney-washing is going to far into my little girl’s world, I just start making chauvanistic comments about how hot and sexy they made Ariel (or Hanna M., or whoever that girl on the wizard show is) and my not-quite-as-concerned-with-Disney wife usually gets my point and turns the channel.
However, my lil’un is comprehending more and more of what I utter, so i’ll need another tact very soon. Daddy’s not a perv, but he plays one for effect.
25 Euphrosyne // Mar 24, 2008 at 7:15 pm
Mike, my college roommate Travis composed an utterly filthy set of lyrics for every song in Beauty and the Beast. I still remember quite a few of them, particularly the “Be Our Guest” version which began “Suck my…”
It was funnier then, I guess. But I’ll never be able to watch the damn movie with my daughter.
26 Mike // Mar 25, 2008 at 9:49 am
Euphrosyne,
Ha!!! Maybe I’ll try that. I’m mos def one for cute, off-color lyrics… My wife had a kidney stone last weekend, and this is how I explained it to my daughter (sung to Twinkle Twinkle..)
Tinkle Tinkle little stone,
Mommy thinks she peed a bone.
In the morning she did cry,
But dont kiki worry, she won’t die.
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