Comments on: Twists & turns: A story of hair and identity

By: gregory

gregory — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 09:38:13 +0000

I am so glad that I read this beautiful story today.

By: 35 « 3 continent family

35 « 3 continent family — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 08:24:03 +0000

[...] one of my favorite posts ever [...]

By: Linda Calvin

Linda Calvin — Thu, 15 May 2008 17:21:05 +0000

Aaryn – great story. I was happy and surprised because I am hosting a similar story on my blog. I just started my blog and have not had much time at all to post. lindacalvin.wordpress.com. My story is called the Twists and Turns of Biracial Hair. I am biracial and growing up, my mom knew nothing about how to style my hair. I wore picktails until my first relaxer at 12 years old. Unfortunately, my mother did not understand how relaxers at that time worked (lye relaxers) and she washed and thoroughly combed my hair the night before my relaxer. I cried like a baby.

Your story is very nice! Ruby is very lucky.

By: Bipolarlawyercook

Bipolarlawyercook — Thu, 01 May 2008 15:18:01 +0000

So much love in this.

By: CrysH

CrysH — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 22:32:01 +0000

Reading your lovely piece took me back to my own childhood full of big combs and hair grease. Thankfully, I wasn’t tender-headed like Miss Ruby, nor is my hair as curly. For sure, the ritual of hair combing is definitely a genuine African American cultural tradition.

That said, it has taken me DECADES to shed my hair issues created by years of being told that I had to tame and subdue my hair. Too much of my youthful feelings of beauty was wrapped up in how my hair looked. You’re astute to notice that black mothers look at the heads of black children and judge the competence and love of their caregiver.

Nearly a decade ago, I finally embraced what India.Arie stated in her song, “I Am Not My Hair”.

Helping Ruby enjoy her hair, in all it’s beautiful and natural forms and styles, puts her way ahead of where I was, even into my college years.

I’m charmed, as always, by the two of you.

By: Gretchen aka mamagigi

Gretchen aka mamagigi — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 03:09:39 +0000

Just lovely, Aaryn. You may recall our daughters are just a few weeks apart. Maeve’s bi-racial and her hair is different than Ruby’s, but it’s still worlds away from mine and what I’m used to. We, too, have the morning ritual of comb, squeals and “no knots today mommy!,” detangler and accessories — letting her hair go au natural just isn’t an option because you are right — it is all about ensuring that her white mama cares enough to make sure it’s taken care of. That she learns to take pride in it and care for it, to take pride in herself, too.

Brava on the column.

By: kate

kate — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 02:17:40 +0000

you are brilliant. in your mothering, your hairstyling (hers and yours) and your writing.

By: kerryanne

kerryanne — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 17:05:49 +0000

This was beautiful

By: Beth

Beth — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 16:02:59 +0000

I used to tell my Morrigan that getting hair done was just part of being a girl, I thought that explanation was working until she was brushing my hair one day and whacked me upside the head with the brush and exclaimed “Its part of being a girl Mama.”

I love that Ruby straight told you your logic was crazy! Don’t you love watching Ruby find her voice? Careful, the voice gets stronger & louder with age.

By: Jennifer

Jennifer — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 19:31:23 +0000

I always love your writing but this piece was magnificent. I didn’t even realize it was your column until the end! What a treasure of a memories you’ve written for Ruby. I can picture you sitting together doing her hair and her picking out what to put in it.

While I understand your comments about white kids hair, as an educator I know that society looks at kids and do once overs on their clothes, shoes, and hair, no matter what their race. Therefore, even though I have been told I can send H to daycare in the same clothes and not to worry about her mess of hair cowlicking in the back but hanging down past her eyes, I make sure her clothes match down to her socks and shoes and her hair is brushed and pulled back EVERY DAY. Since the daddy hands can’t quite do the hair, I have to get it down before I leave the house. At 18 months, she is beginning to get the routine and understand enough to say yes to a clip or pony holder.

I look forward to her voice emerging and creating moments like you have with Ruby with or without tears, it’s a very sweet moment.