Thanks to the sub-sub-par genetics of the man who fathered me, john allred, I have astronomically high cholesterol. My combined HDL/LDL score is 359 and the doctor who discovered this almost had a myocardial infarction himself when an MRI of my heart came back clear of any blockages. He practically begged me to drink copious amounts of red wine every night. Then he put me on a statin.
That was five years and four physicians ago, so a new doctor ordered blood work this past Monday to make sure I’m taking the right doseage of a drug so popular, that it’s wide use is footing the bill for the Carribean vacation homes of Pfizer higher-ups. Recent research has shown that statins are somewhat of a racket. Unless of course, you suffer from familial heterozygous hyperlipidemia. In which case, you swallow the bitter pill every night before bedtime.
So Dr. Farber walks into the exam room yesterday afternoon and the first thing out of his mouth was, “So, how you been feelin’?” His brow was scrunched. He looked concerned. “Fine.” I said, freaking out. “Why?” Turns out my CPK levels are in the excessively high range. Maybe it’s due to the statin, he told me, which happens to be working very well at pummeling that LDL. But maybe it’s due to something else, a hard workout at the gym perhaps. He was generally elusive about the implications of the value and I implored him to break it down for me before I typed “C” and “P” and “K” into a search engine. (Big NO-NO, I know, but who can resist under the circumstances?) He didn’t give me much to go on besides an order for follow-up blood work in three weeks.
Guess what I did this morning? Yeah, and here’s what Medline Plus via Google had to say about it:
What Abnormal Results Mean
High CPK levels may be seen in patients who have:
- Heart attack
- Myocarditis (inflammation of the heart muscle)
- Central nervous system trauma or stroke
- Convulsions
- Delirium tremens
- Dermatomyositis or polymyositis
- Electric shock
- Muscular dystrophies
- Pulmonary infarction (lung tissue death)
Additional conditions may give positive test results:
- Hypothyroidism
- Pericarditis following a heart attack
- Rhabdomyolysis
So basically, I’m dying, right? I mean, we’re all dying. I’m just dying faster than the average person. Awesome! I’ve spent the morning trying not to blame my mother for copulating with such an undesirable specimen but then, it wasn’t like it was all that pleasurable for her in the first place. Why make her feel bad now? Right before Mother’s Day? And anyway, if she hadn’t done what she calls “the deed,” I wouldn’t be sitting here right now, worrying about my premature death or contemplating how I should spend the rest of my life to make it truly meaningful.
16 responses so far ↓
1 Cheri // May 8, 2008 at 10:49 am
You’re not going to die faster than the rest of us. The Lord will be good to you. You recycle, drive a four-cylinder car, and make the world safe for democracy through your blogging. Also, it seems to me that everything on your list can be cured with more red wine.
Darlin’ aaryn, I say go holisitic on Dr. Farber’s ass. Take an “Eastern” approach when you get a second opinion.
2 aaryn b. // May 8, 2008 at 10:53 am
I drive a Hybrid! That has to count for something!
I think my doctor was mellow because he didn’t want me panicking…you know…like I’m totally not right now. I do think he’s a good doctor. Not to mention, I did have one of the most brutal workouts of my life on the Saturday before I had the blood work done (I was actually swearing at and flipping off my trainer), so I’m trying to focus on that and not worry about what I can’t control. Will up date soon.
3 Christine // May 8, 2008 at 11:02 am
Hang in there, Aaryn! I completely understand how scary that must be. All you can do is take the information as it comes. If you feel physically good, that is huge. You’re doing all of the right things to try and correct the problem.
4 Jamie // May 8, 2008 at 2:34 pm
If you need a wine drinking buddy, I’m game.
And I’m with Cheri, you’re so not going anywhere. At least not any faster than the good-karma’ed people out there.
To quote, “Live strong,” which as far as I can tell, you do.
5 A Catastrophizer + Google = Bad Idea : Stroke // May 8, 2008 at 2:35 pm
[...] Continue Reading [...]
6 Jenn @ Juggling Life // May 8, 2008 at 5:44 pm
Never, ever panic over just one test. But please do keep us posted.
I have to do the statin thing myself–but in my case all the good genes came from my deserter dad while the bad ones came from the mom that was always there!
7 Amelia // May 9, 2008 at 6:45 am
Not to sound completely stupid but what are CPK levels? All I could think of is that you ate too much Kentucky Fried Chicken the night before…
And I’ve learned the hard way not to google any medical things. I swear there should be a warning that says “Are you really sure you want to see this information? Viewing this page without first having gone to medical school could endanger your sanity”.
My doctor wants me to have a stellate ganglion block for my continuing nerve pain. So I go and google this trio of words and the first page I click on has a nice big photo of a large needle going into the side of a man’s neck. I still haven’t decided if I’m willing to have this done as I can’t shake that image from my head. I can’t imagine I’ll be able to sit still as someone plunges a needle into my neck.
Drink lots of wine, smoke a bit, do some yoga- do whatever it is to make you calm down. And try to put it out of your mind until you go back for the recheck. And no more google for you.
8 Amelia // May 9, 2008 at 6:47 am
oops- CPK is California Pizza Kitchen not Kentucky Fried Chicken. perhaps you ate too much pizza? I’ll blame my brain fart on Javi. Since English isn’t his native language he tends to mix up chicken and kitchen all the time. After almost 10 years with the man I guess now I’m doing it.
9 Christina Shaver // May 9, 2008 at 1:12 pm
The docs last week thought I had hyperthyroidism. Reading down you’re list of “what-ifs” I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you that if it’s any of those, it’s that. Seems pretty easy to treat and can even go into remission.
10 dgm // May 9, 2008 at 4:33 pm
Sorry for your worry. I second the vote for getting additional opinions on your California Pizza Kitchen levels. I’ll be accused of being a cynic for saying this, but doctors have incentives to prescribe a lot of stuff they 1) aren’t sure works; 2) know will have icky side effects; 3) have a commitment to push based on some relationship with some pharmco. Question authority, is all I’m sayin.
I am a medical Googler til the end!
11 Martha // May 9, 2008 at 8:28 pm
Keep us posted.
FWIW, you are going to outlive us all.
12 BOSSY // May 10, 2008 at 4:27 pm
Step away from the Physician’s Desk Reference!
13 caroline // May 11, 2008 at 7:42 am
Thinking of you!
14 LilSass // May 11, 2008 at 10:37 am
This comment isn’t in relation to this post because everyone else has stolen my words. However, I hope you have a WONDERFUL Mother’s Day!!!
15 marsha // May 11, 2008 at 4:33 pm
You will be fine. Your CPK is likely elevated because of the statin and you should stop it and repeat it off the statin. If that is the cause then you cannot take the drug. Believe it or not there are other ways to control your wayward numbers. You should have a complete lipoprotein analysis as well. Fortunately you live in an area where options abound. Look for a doctor who practices Functional Medicine. Check out practiitioners on the Institute of Functional Medicine website. Of the list that you showed, it is likely that you have a mild form of rhabdomyolysis which means inflammation of the muscles. and is a common side effect of the statin drugs. If all else fails, come to SFO/Sausalito and I will set you down a healthier path.
Have a wonderful Mother’s Day! You will have many, many, many more
marsha MD
16 bordtodth // May 13, 2008 at 11:03 am
UGH. Would chicken soup help?
Seems like the upset from your test results might be causing additional stress…. & you are kind of a stressed-out girl during the best of circumstances. I agree (not that you asked, of course) with Cheri in terms of some Eastern medicine. Without abandoning traditional methods, perhaps it would help to layer on some Eastern techniques. Perhaps you could try alternating yoga with the strenuous workouts?
As a friend used to say, “Mellow…. mellow… mellow”.
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