I’ve said it before: I will never go on a cruise. It’s in my marriage vows. I’ve also said, several times and even very recently: I hate hate. So when I use the term to describe my feelings about something, it’s meaningful in a thoughtful, serious and an I’m-totally-not-kidding kind of way.
This afternoon, as in 13 minutes ago, which is why I probably sound so angry and mean right now—the seething emotion is terribly raw (deep breath, girl)—I watched a clip from this morning’s edition of the Today Show in which Heather Armstrong was “interviewed”—if it can even be called that—by Kathie Lee Gifford. Now, I don’t watch the Today Show because quite frankly, it sucks. As in, it sucks whatever soul the viewer has right outta her. Everything beyond the first thirty minutes is blatant mind control and the recent hiring of KLG was further evidence of their efforts to further dumb down the final-hour for the remaining common denominator.
Seeing this screeching shell of a woman on the screen again after all these glorious Kathie Lee Free years, only reconfirmed that I still despise her and, too, that I will never be a viewer of the Today Show.
In a nutshell (I have to be brief here as I’ve only got ten free minutes left), Kathie Lee turned the conversation toward herself (big surprise!), admitted that she doesn’t know how to use her computer (big surprise!), and that she’s not a fan of mommies blogging about their children (wtf?!?).
This judgment, from the woman who told the entire world over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and ov—you get the idea—for yeeeeaaaarrrrrrs about her lovely life with Frank and their darling little Cody and Cassidy and their ca-ca and their cooing and their drool and whatnot. This judgment, from the woman who knowingly had darling little children hardly as wealthy and privileged as her own, in a third world country, working long hours in sweatshops to sew her WalMart clothing line. The mind reels.
As I watched her, wearing a size Negative 12, seizure inducing polyester dress, screech her staccato laugh in Heather’s direction, stretching her tight orange face beneath her yellow fried hair in front of a pink back drop that made me think of maxi pads, I could only side with Frank Gifford’s choice to boink a flight attendant.
Kathie Lee should stick to Carnival Cruises and stay off the internets, where I’m bound and even tempted to run into her because I do so love to hate her. But no matter what, I won’t be going on any cruises.
20 responses so far ↓
1 Cheri // May 7, 2008 at 3:34 pm
Whoa! You aren’t joking about how fast you wrote this. I sent you the link exactly fifteen minutes ago. I was going to post about the contradiction between her thoughts on dooce posting about Leta and Kathie Lee sharing on NATIONAL TELEVISION every detail about Cody’s potty training. You said it for me, for all of us.
I would say that this self-righteous woman needs a bitch slap from the blogosphere, but as I think about it, she is just uninformed, she doesn’t know what she’s talking about, and she admits to not knowing — which is exactly why she should keep her Restalyned lips shut.
2 Pam // May 7, 2008 at 3:43 pm
Ha, ha! I just watched that clip and totally thought of you. I was going to send it to you, but figured you had already seen it.
3 Jamie // May 7, 2008 at 3:44 pm
Wait. Who are Cody and Cassidy? I NEVER heard her speak their name. Yup, never.
I love your hate on this one.
4 LilSass // May 7, 2008 at 4:01 pm
OH.MY.GAWD yet again you’re on point. I haven’t seen the clip yet though I can trust your rage on this one. It will be interesting to see if our beloved dooce posts about this experience and how candid it will be. KLG makes me want to gouge my eyes out with a rusty spoon and my ears out with a screwdriver. Hating hypocrites is ok in my book!
5 Smalltown Mom // May 7, 2008 at 4:20 pm
She should not criticize bloggers for talking about their children, when she did the same on R&KL for years and years.
6 Jamie // May 7, 2008 at 7:27 pm
Okay I finally got around to watching the clip. I’m burning on my insides! What the eff is the Today Show thinking (term used loosely) putting that creepy clueless lady on this story? I need a shower now, ’cause I’m feeling all dirtied up by KLG and her surreal orange-colored head.
7 kate // May 7, 2008 at 9:49 pm
huh. someone let kathy lee be on tv again?
8 Mrs. G. // May 7, 2008 at 10:56 pm
I only wish Heather could have actually gotten a word in edgewise and called bullshit on CODY and CASSIDY’S mother. She doesn’t know how to turn on a computer-I hate women who pretend to be stupid.
9 court // May 8, 2008 at 6:13 am
dude… i could not have said it better myself. yea for dooce though!
10 carrie // May 8, 2008 at 6:34 am
Good-googly-moogly that KLG is a piece of work! Don’t you have to be over 80 to annouce you have a computer handicap? Seriously.
11 Jenn @ Juggling Life // May 8, 2008 at 9:19 am
I just saw it now–it was pretty bad. Even the pre-interview piece was terrible. How about some actual information in a news piece? Just fluff and more fluff.
Yay you for calling it like it is.
12 Jenn aka JeSais // May 8, 2008 at 9:49 am
blech. Talk about un-prepared and un-engaged. Was KLG even there?
but darn here hair looked good and what a pretty pretty dress…
blech blech blech.
13 Leslie // May 8, 2008 at 10:40 am
Wow! That was really hard to watch! I envy the women bloggers who aren’t scared to put themselves out there and write about their lives and children. It made me so angry that Heather was not able to slam that Kathie for talking down to her about putting Leta online, when (as you point out) she does the EXACT SAME THING ON TV! I only hope that the rest of the viewers see the hypocrisy in the “interview”.
14 Tamara // May 8, 2008 at 11:14 am
LOL. So, I was reading this on my igoogle and I have this stupid gadget on there that shows me the National Geographic Picture of the Day and today it is of a Japanese macaque. Your description of KLG was a perfect match for the little monkey. I could not help but suppress a giggle! It was just so awesome.
you can see the pic here…
http://photography.nationalgeographic.com/photography/enlarge/japanese-macaque-cobb_pod_image.html
15 Alice // May 8, 2008 at 3:15 pm
This totally killed me too. I can’t stand that woman and was so bummed that Heather didn’t get a chance to say much, since she was so busy trying to respond to Kathie Lee’s inane statements with grace.
16 lewlew // May 8, 2008 at 6:17 pm
Great post! You said it all.
17 lewlew // May 8, 2008 at 6:18 pm
Great post! You said it all.
(Oh, and we can NOT go on a cruise together!)
18 Martha // May 9, 2008 at 8:25 pm
I’m going to skip the video because well, you said it so well. I don’t trust anyone who wears synthetic fibres.
Before we met, I always had the opposite of my Desert Island list: my Plane To Hell.
What’s that?
It’s a Boeing 777 filled with people I wish would book a one way trip to Hell, ending in a fiery planecrash over the worlds largest cactus field and acid lake.
She’s the engineer on that flight.
Yup.
In the cockpit.
Fitting, isn’t it?
Die, Kathie Lee. Die.
19 Sylvia // May 14, 2008 at 11:24 am
Geeze! hope I never have occasion to piss off any mommy bloggers OR their fans! Kathie Lee is annoying, and hypocritical, and so, so over, but “fiery planecrash, etc.etc. one way trip to hell?” She’s not Osama bin Laden! And Heather Armstrong is not GOD’s mommy, for Chrissake!I’m sure there is major hyperbole going on here but it still sounds like some people need to be on heavy medication!
20 Ann // May 26, 2008 at 6:50 am
Even though this post is a bit old - I had to comment since I just ran across your blog. I’m a huge dooce-ist - and could NOT agree with you more. Here is KathieLee, who whored out her kids for YEARS, on national TV - acting all shocked that Heather blogs about Motherhood. I wanted to strangle KL for essentially ruining what could have been an incredible interview.
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