I’ve heard it said that “The Terrible Two’s” is a myth and that really, what’s terrible are the threes. Ruby won’t be three for another month but I see what’s ahead because ahead has already mowed me down. Sometime during the last week, my beautiful, darling daughter was snatched up and replaced by a person who looks, sounds and smells exactly like her, but who is, I’ve decided, the child of Satan.
In the past two days alone, I’ve been bitten, scratched, kicked, slapped and punched (twice in the eye and once in public). I’ve been growled at, sneered at, glared at, spit on and stomped away from. I’ve had pee wiped on my jeans with small brown hands while large brown eyes promised it wasn’t urine.
I’d like to say that I handled these moments with calmness and maturity but that would be a lie almost as big as the anger I’m forced to wrestle with given the circumstances. The first few incidents I dealt with well enough; I instantly deferred to the father and walked away. Really pissed off and hyperventilating, but I did walk away. The most recent incidents, however…well. I lost my shit, which I may write more about later.
Shortly after the changeling awoke for her eighth or ninth time last night (I lost count), I told Sam that I wanted out, that I’m just a ghost in our lives anyway, that I wanted to get my own apartment. Of course, it doesn’t matter where I go because as a friend told me once, wherever I go, there I am. I could move down the street or across the Atlantic and there I would be, alone with myself. Well, probably not alone. I have a feeling that Guilt and Remorse would be keeping me company.
The thing is, there are few situations in life from which we cannot extricate ourselves: You’re unhappy in your marriage, you get a divorce. You don’t like your job, you get a new one. Aren’t crazy about the town in which you live, you move on. But once you’re a parent, you’re always a parent. It’s irrevocable. And nearly unbearable when you can’t stand your child.
23 responses so far ↓
1 Jenn @ Juggling Life // May 25, 2008 at 8:22 pm
Does it help that every single parent in the world has had a moment like this?
2 jessie doncaster // May 25, 2008 at 9:01 pm
thank you so much for sharing this. and what was said above sums it up, you are not alone! and it’s so refreshing when people are honest about it!!
3 Sharon // May 25, 2008 at 9:58 pm
*hugs*
4 kerry // May 25, 2008 at 11:33 pm
Your honesty is awesome. Even though you’re having a sucky time. Saying ‘hang in there’ sounds lame, but do. Here’s hoping your little sweet one returns soon…
5 Bipolarlawyercook // May 26, 2008 at 3:25 am
Rats. Sorry it’s so difficult right now.
6 Wendi // May 26, 2008 at 3:53 am
We truly have all been there. Little Girls (much more so than boys mind you) at age 3 (I’ve had 2 of them….one in the throes of it now…although at almost 3 1/2 she seems to be on the tail end of it) are truly spawns of satan. In the words of Frank Costanza (tell me you watch Seinfeld) “Serenity Now!”
Drink more wine, smoke more pot, do more yoga, go skydiving. It WILL be OK. She’s being normal, and you are feeling normal.
7 stacy // May 26, 2008 at 5:13 am
see you at the apartment.
8 bots! // May 26, 2008 at 6:21 am
It’s most likely a quick taste of the teen years you’ll have to weather as well.
9 Jamie // May 26, 2008 at 7:08 am
You’re coming from a place I have recently been, only you packed your suitcase full of honesty, whereas mine was empty.
Tell you what, if your 3-year-old is like my 3-year-olds, and they behave well for *every*one else, let’s TRADE kids for a while. We’ll start our own reality TV, Trading Brats.
10 Dylan // May 26, 2008 at 7:19 am
I like Jamie’s idea a LOT! If it’s any consolation a big part of the reason she does it is that you’ve done something right all along: she knows you love her and will still love her even while and after she does it. While it’s not a cure-all, I found that the suggestions in Anthony Wolf’s The Secret of Parenting to be extremely helpful.
11 Elaine // May 26, 2008 at 1:13 pm
4 seems to be the age of defiance, so at least you have that to look forward to. At almost 5 I just can’t wait to see what comes next. And my other small person is taking her sister’s path but altering it slightly so I don’t get too comfortable. It’s a load of magic beans, lemme tell you what.
But seriously, I’ve found that the more honest I am about the sucky bits, the easier it is to move through them and not stick a fork in my eye. Writing about how your child betrays you makes it somehow easier. Maybe because of the whole group of parents that reply with “Word.”
12 Mary // May 26, 2008 at 4:28 pm
You can move in with me, I need a new room mate. You and Stacy both can come and live with me whenever you need a break.
13 susan m // May 26, 2008 at 6:12 pm
**sending hugs**
my hat is off to anyone who can make it through one day of parenting. I sure couldn’t.
14 Destiny // May 26, 2008 at 6:58 pm
My Ruby is almost 4 and just last week I contemplated getting into the car and just driving away, never to come back. I can totally relate. But, as my mom said, after laughing and mumbling something about ‘karma,’ ‘Honey, this too shall pass.’ Indeed it will, but then she’ll be twelve and I shall have to send her to boarding school.
15 Tina // May 26, 2008 at 7:42 pm
I’ll pitch in on a ditch-the-kids-for-a-spell apartment, furnished with padded and walls, life-size posters of the latest CK underwear model, a stocked bar, jacuzzi tub, and round-the-clock masseuse and vibrator cozies for all.
Anyone else???
16 Deb // May 26, 2008 at 8:20 pm
I’m there with my oldest, too.
And as I’m no role model for anyone, I can’t tell you how to not lose your shit, because, well, I do, all the time.
But, you’re a good mom with a good heart and you’re human. And always learning. It’ll get better as you get the coping tools down.
17 bordtodth // May 27, 2008 at 8:36 am
If that’s what it takes to produce that painting….. it may just be worth it!!!!
This too will, indeed, pass.
18 Beth // May 27, 2008 at 9:21 am
You are right, it seems to begin in the threes cause 2 was wonderful. I hate to say it but 4 & 5 are not much better just more verbal and a heftier right hook. Oh and guess what… apparently when they start loosing their teeth, they get new ones and it is teething all over again.
19 LilSass // May 27, 2008 at 11:04 am
Oh Aaryn, Aaryn, Aaryn this makes me so sad! I have zero advice to provide since I am childless but what I do know is that you love your daughter sooooo much and are doing SUCH an amazing job. So the way look at it is this … you wanna run away now … she’ll wanna to run away later … and you’re TOTALLY entitled to feel that way. Guess what? … unconditional love doesn’t exist. I’m not being cynical but I am just saying that although you decided to get married and decided to become a parent, this doesn’t mean you you have to agree to accept EVERYTHING about your husband, child, mother, friends, etc. It’s perfectly ok to feel that you don’t LIKE Ruby when she behaves a certain way. And you don’t have to love her when she disrespects you because that’s really unfair to YOU. I simply want to validate your frustrated/angry/ sad feelings and remind you what an amazing parent you are. *sigh* It too shall pass. Hats off to you!
20 Kris // May 27, 2008 at 2:40 pm
With 75^ of the data complete in my household, I can tell you that it is true…three is worth than two…
21 Kris // May 27, 2008 at 2:40 pm
With 75% of the data complete in my household, I can tell you that it is true…three is worth than two…
22 Mrs. G. // May 27, 2008 at 4:00 pm
Three all most killed me. If I’m remembering correctly that was the year my son stabbed my hand with a butter knife in a restaurant just because he “wondered what would happen.”
And just Saturday I told my family that I was this close (thumb and pointer finger 1/4 inch part) to driving away to Mexico to live in a tent on the beach. Alone.
23 Cheri @ Blog This Mom! // May 31, 2008 at 5:55 pm
Darling Aaryn,
I spent last weekend under the covers. Sometimes they get to you all the way up into their twenties. And they might not even mean to do it. Now, before you jump off a cliff, hang on, some days are just like that. Go you for sharing it. We all get there.
Leave a Comment