Did you know that the hypothalmus regulates (among other things) breathing and sexual satisfaction? Maybe that’s why, even when my man has a horrendous cold that causes fatigue, a sore throat and congestion so severe that breathing is difficult even when he’s laying perfectly motionless, he still wants to “bury his face in [my] ass.” Isn’t that sweet? And super sexy, too!

It’s so sexy, in fact, that my level of disinterest is almost shocking. I’m feeling a bit under the weather myself, which somehow puts me out of commission for the next…oh…four to six weeks, so don’t even bother trying, Mister. Just look the other way. Like, in the direction of Naughty America.

Is a certain part of my brain malfunctioning or am I just from Mars?