Hope is my religion, love is my God, and acts in the service of peace, justice and equality are my practice. I believe that you and I are of the same tribe. Visualize what you want.
-An email from a friend
In the sci-fi thriller Brainstorm, scientists develop a helmet that enables the wearer to inhabit the recorded experiences of others. In one unforgettable scene, a character dons the special cap and plays a continuous loop of a woman wildly riding some dude’s hog—and I’m not talking about his Harley. The character lives and re-lives this virtual fucking until it leaves him nearly catatonic, his limp body twitching, drool oozing from his mouth.
These past weeks have left me in practically the same state, except the virtual fucking I’m enduring isn’t the flesh-and-bone kind. It’s more of a soul-reaming, heartbreaking gang-bang perpetrated by infamous American gangsters, also known as Republicans. Their antics and the media frenzy perpetuating them are crack, and I’m a wonkaholic. If I could dip my fingers in it and rub it over my gums, believe me, I would. At least then some part of me would be numbed.
I calculated that I spent 13 life-shortening hours yesterday surfing frantically from link to glowing link, disappearing ever further down the rabbit hole of enlightenment, unable to tear myself away from the myriad opinions, snark and lies, damn lies!
Some topics were embarrassingly ridiculous (lipstick and fishes and pigs, oh my!) while others were horrifyingly disturbing (droned chants of “drill, baby, drill!” and the Obama-as-pedophile smear). Most of it was garden-variety diversion from the important issues of our day: The world’s most famous hockey mom speaks of war with Russia but—hey!—where did she buy her red vinyl Betty Boop pumps? I’m practically licking my computer screen, I’m so hot and bothered by what I’m reading. And not in a good way.
I’m jittery, nervous and short-tempered. I’m in the front seat of this rickety rollercoaster, the lap belt isn’t cinched and I’m being flung about so violently that my feelings hurt. I’m empowered and hopeful one minute, enraged and belligerent the next, then squashed and despondent shortly after that. Admittedly, it didn’t help that I began my 301st period during this tumultuous time (roughly 120 more to go, but who’s counting?). Yet I can hardly blame my lack of balance on my menstrual cycle because that would be, like, totally sexist.
So erratic am I that Ruby slid my wine glass across the coffee table toward me the other night. “Here go, Mama,” she said knowingly. I’m beginning to wonder if the tempestuousness I’ve exhibited of late will have a lasting impact on her.
What I’m looking for as I trudge through the shit storm that is modern politics is some small reassurance that Americans are more than the gaggle of ball-scratchin’ hillbillies the Republicans are counting on us to be. (This is an insult to hillbillies, and I apologize for that). I need to know that Ma and Pa Smalltown, who hold our collective future in the palms of their work-hardened hands, aren’t easily hypnotized by the pretty model from Lenscrafters with the cross around her neck. I need to know they aren’t buying what’s being peddled by the war veteran’s political trophy wife, who paints herself as one of us with palatable sound bites that go down smooth with scripture, a bourbon and a hearty slap on the back.
It’s been infuriating to hear the egregious lies being spewed with the same force and broad trajectory as the lunch my brother once hurled on the bell-bottomed ankles of three teenaged girls after getting off the teacup ride at Disneyland. It’s been terrifying to see the swirling eyes of the quivering, swooning, fawning, reveling and predominantly white Republican masses. It’s been revolting to behold the sycophantic, self-important, group-thinking pundits bestow a deceitful ideologue with Rosie the Riveter status based on little more than her ability to simultaneously smile and speak.
Having lived through Bush circa 2000 and 2004, I can only equate this awful Groundhog Day experience with a lonely bout of post-traumatic stress disorder. But I realized it wasn’t just me suffering such trauma when I read a piece by Bob Cesca, a contributor to The Huffington Post. In “Fooled Again” Cesca asks, “Show of hands: have you gone all Howard Beale yet this week?”
And since I hadn’t, I decided that I must.
So, yesterday, I flung open my front door, which put a divot in the paint as it slammed into the wall. It was 4 p.m., and I strutted out onto my front porch, stepped into the sunlight, bent in half, clenched my fists and shouted toward the street as loud as I possibly could, with every ounce of frustration and disbelief purging the rage from my body, “I’m mad as hell and I’m not gonna take it anymorrrrrre!”
Then I yelled it twice more. It may not have been terribly productive, but it was cathartic. My primal scream cleared a little heart-space that had been clogged with ire, and I began to fill it up instead with an imagined reality, one I’m going to focus on pointedly until it becomes a real reality. Here it is, no helmet required:
Barack Obama is standing on a stage in the cold air of a sunny January day. Michelle and Malia and Sasha are by his side, all of them bundled in thick winter coats. He stands with one hand on a Bible, the other raised at his side, and he smiles as he’s sworn in as the 44th president of the United States of America.
Brainstorm that reality, gangsters.
(As published today in San Diego CityBeat.)
17 responses so far ↓
1 stacy // Sep 17, 2008 at 8:50 am
oh, that’s good, good. you took me down the rabbit hole (and I’ve been there with you, licking my computer screen), then brought me back out into the light. thanks for that.
keeping hope alive . . .
2 Jenn, aka JeSais // Sep 17, 2008 at 9:07 am
this is why I pretty much haven’t been following much politics lately. I think you got unused indignation.
you want to scream, and I just shake my head and say “can’t we all just get along?”
naive. I know.
3 Alice // Sep 17, 2008 at 12:14 pm
LOVE this. Heard some of the McCain/Palin speaches in the car this morning on my way to court in Riverside - they just make me so angry.
4 Jennifer // Sep 17, 2008 at 12:16 pm
That is one vision that I have had in my head for some time and it’s one of the most beautiful scenes I’ve envisioned since this started. I hope you are able to see clearly into the future and that will be our reality. It’s time. Way over due time.
5 melanie // Sep 17, 2008 at 12:50 pm
Yet another reason why I adore you.
Living in Atlanta for most of my life, I find myself being constantly surrounded by “ball scratchin hillbillies” and I’ll have to tell you, I don’t have much faith in them. My husband (being one of the aforementioned ball scratchin’ hillbillies) and I almost came to blows the other night. He looks at me and shakes his head. I look at him and shake my head. And then we both go punch the wall. I find myself being very frustrated by the fact that many of the people in my life have turned this into more of a racial issue than one about the issues that face us as Americans and I have found myself becoming very disappointed in these people that I thought I knew so well.
I have fought with friends and screamed at the computer and cried over the craziness of idiots in the last week or so and finally I just realized, I can do nothing to change the minds of these people. All I can do is vote for who I believe in and hope that everyone else out there like me, doesn’t let their Republican friends and family keep them from voting for who they truly want to vote for.
This is an excellent post and I’m going to save it and over the next few weeks when I get pissed off, I’m going to read it and remember that although I may be surrounded by a bunch of ball scratchin’ hillbillies, there are sane people still out there in the world.
6 Brad // Sep 17, 2008 at 1:39 pm
I love the quote from your friend. I really have to remember that one.
I feel your pain. I have been trying to unplug from “The Matrix ” that is political coverage and just focus on my life. (Sincere apologies for the cheesy analogy, but you see, I can’t help myself at times). I like to remind myself that nothing I see is going to change my vote because of the issues, not the drama. Well, okay… if Obama pulled a zipper on his back and a Bush family member stepped out, that would change it to a write in for Dr. Horrible, but short of that nothing is going to change my vote.
7 Mary // Sep 17, 2008 at 3:15 pm
This was priceless!!!! I’m emailing you a photo someone sent me yesterday of Obama with a great caption on it, which should help lower your blood pressure.
8 Mary // Sep 17, 2008 at 3:17 pm
http://www.flickr.com/photos/afclark/2859029395/
Here’s the link–this cracked me up and calmed me down all at the same time.
9 LilSass // Sep 17, 2008 at 6:17 pm
And there’s ME in the audience, having slept in the snow for a week to get a view of the most amazing day in our lifetime!! Me, over here!!! Waving at the camera … camera 1 … camera 2 …. camera 1! Over here!!!
I had a dream that when they move to DC, I became their nanny. How awesome would that be? Who the hell needs nursing school when you can totals nanny for Malia and Sasha, obvi. I could die, could you die?
Secondly, you’re totally Mark Morford with tits and I love EVERY second of it!
10 LilSass // Sep 17, 2008 at 6:21 pm
One more thing real quick … following my blog haitus last week after all that coitus, I decided not to read ANY posts that were about Palin. I mean, what the hell else do I need to hate that woman for? So there in my google reader, when I saw the devil’s name in the content or the post title, I selected “mark as read”. Remarkably, my blood pressure has shown amazing improvement.
11 aaryn b. // Sep 17, 2008 at 9:06 pm
Thank you all for letting me know I’m not alone in my suffering and coping. Collectively visualizing an Obama Presidency has got to make it so! Right? In the meantime, I’m taking Brad’s words to heart and will try to unplug from The Matrix every now and again, too.
And LilSass? I can’t *tell* you what it means to be compared to Morford. I would attempt 73 new and dangerous sexual positions right this instant and personally test all the flavored lubes on the planet—even the coconut ones—to be half the writer that man is! Thank you from the bottom of my ______!!!!
12 aaryn b. // Sep 17, 2008 at 9:07 pm
Oh, and Mary: That picture DID make me feel better. Thank you!
13 san // Sep 18, 2008 at 9:15 am
Thank you Aaryn for speaking my mind (as I rarely do as a NON-US citizen about US politics, except for in the safe place inside my own home with my husband). We’re totally with you.
14 Caroline // Sep 18, 2008 at 12:11 pm
my stance exactly. I will not mope for the next two months but will live in hopeful (though perhaps slightly annoyed) anticipation of the day that this country makes the right choice and puts Obama in charge.
15 Nora Bee // Sep 18, 2008 at 8:12 pm
I think I’m in love with you for this.
16 Erica // Sep 20, 2008 at 5:28 pm
re:Carol’s Auction -item won
17 Craig // Sep 21, 2008 at 5:38 pm
I constantly feel like this. Every time I turn on my tv or computer, (or talk to my parents for that matter), I start to get insane.
Whether it is true or not, I feel that many of those who vote republican are selfish, uncaring, amoral sons-of-bitches. They care only about how best to rape and pillage the environment/society/their neighbours so as to get the most for themselves. Strangely enough, these are usually those who are most vocal about their “Christianity” and whose behaviour and ideology are decidedly unJesuslike. If it doesn’t directly benefit them, they don’t care about it, and if it means someone else getting more the same rights/privilege/say in society as they’ve, then they’re adamantly opposed.
Again, this caricature is likely not true, but it is what I see when I see the (straight,white, male) masses of the republican party with their token female spokesmodel who is doing more to set women’s rights back than 10 men could do.
I want to scream every day.
Leave a Comment