Upon retrospect, I think you nailed it, since the youngsters at UCSD are acting out the way people do, and if you get assertive they just feed into it. I want to say its a mountain made out of a molehill, but honestly, UCSD only has 2% African Americans, and I can see where these stunts are bound to upset them. I would not like it if these stunts- I can’t believe UCSD has genuine KKK- were to cause some of those few black students to lose their ambition, and suffer educationally. So its good that people have been demonstrating and showing some support for these students. I wish them all the best.

A lot of this is going on in my livejournal where I have written SO many times about practical ways to recognize and combat racism in parenting. A long time reader of my journal responded recently to another blog I linked (a story about parents excusing racially insensitive behavior) with ‘Ok, this bugs me because she just stated the problem, not the solution. Could you provide some links that show me what to do?’

I reminded her of the dozens of entries I have written that include ideas, links, books, etc. Told her again about websites.

Today I wrote a long entry on how to talk to your kids about race, it’s the first in a series. Near the beginning I said if they want this they can’t expect it to fall in their lap.

Tomorrow is another day but right now I am tired of being expected to shoot this stuff in their veins if I want it to get in.

Anyway, thanks for this, Aaryn. We don’t agree on everything but I feel you on these issues for sure.

Those conversations have to happen though. Those of us who are willing to be uncomfortable (no matter what race) have to do that to take the sting out of it over time. Sometimes there is a break down in the communication though where neither side is willing to attribute positive motives.

While there are those whose hearts cannot be changed and they are mean spirited, ugly, stupid people and well, screw them. I think though that the majority of the tension arises because basically good people just don’t always know better. The frustrating part (or one of them) is that they are afraid to admit they might be ignorant about a topic and they are afraid of what that says about them. So they miss an opportunity to learn something.

I won’t avoid you Aaryn, be open and keep talking about the uncomfy stuff.

Most people just want to live in their “perfect little bubble” and not deal with anything that causes them discomfort.

I’ve learned – though with a different subject (mental illness) – that people are only willing to open their eyes to an obvious problem, if they’re DIRECTLY affected. And with DIRECTLY, I mean, in their daily lives.
Otherwise, they just can’t be bothered.

It makes me so mad.

I can’t not mention the book “Nurtureshock” here, which posits (among other things) that not talking about race, being “colorblind”, is the surest way to raise racists. I’m always disappointed that other white parents don’t seem to value diversity as much as I do. Talk, people!