On the night of my 38th birthday two years ago, Sam and I awoke from a nap around 9:30, hopped on Le Metro and made our way to La Tour Eiffel. We held hands and walked toward the park against the setting sun. The air around us filled with the growing sound of every language on earth as laughter and conversation rose into the warm summer night and combined to make one vibrant, celebratory hum.

We arrived at the far end near the Wall For Peace and looked down along the Champs du Mar toward the Eiffel Tower, where  hundreds upon hundreds of (very fashionable) people reclined on picnic blankets, shared bottles of wine and baguettes, cheese and patisseries.

Some people had set their bicycles down on the lawn and joined their friends.  Some lit votive candles. Others set out fresh sunflowers in vases, raising the bar for ambiance. I wondered as to what the special occasion might be but after strolling to the tower and sharing a sugary crepe with my husband, I realized it was just another Tuesday night in Paris. It was all so civilized.

It was this night I thought about when I heard the story today of San Diego’s Floatopia event this weekend.

Organized in response to the 2008 alcohol ban on San Diego’s public beaches, Floatopia is a floating booze party that utilizes a loophole in the ban and allows revelers to drink alcohol so long as their feet do not touch the sand.

(photo by Katie Orr, KPBS)

Could this possibly be the same planet? Where can you set a vase with fresh flowers?

Participants seem to be young-ish and dumb-ish, which is probably part of the reason for the original ban—a few bad apples, and all that—though it’s dumb-asses of all ages who can’t drink responsibly to begin with. Oh, if we ‘Murkins could just handle our alcohol with aplomb and a little je ne sais quoi.

But no.

Instead of sticking it to The Man and subtly masking their cocktails in unmarked cups like any good subversive, these knuckleheads noisily take their drink to the ocean. I won’t enumerate on the many problems inherent in that choice except to offer two words: Jerry Whipple. Not surprisingly, the city council will vote on another ban next week.

One Floatopia attendee, Ashley MacDonald, told KPBS reporter Katie Orr she understands why the police and lifeguards and council members want to put an end to the event. “I think the reason they’re trying to do it is they’re old and they suck!”

The lack of eloquence in that statement made me cringe, so I plunked it in to Google translator to take the edge off:

Je pense que la raison pour laquelle ils essaient de le faire, c’est qu’ils sont vieux et ils sucent!

God, isn’t that beautiful? I’ll bet even woo-hooing sounds refined in French.