“NUKE ALL RAGHEADS” was painted across the rear window of the 90’s era silvery-blue, sun-splotched Buick. There was a small American flag attached to both the driver- and passenger-side doors, each one snapping in the wind with fury as the car growled past me in the fast lane on the I-5. I rolled my eyes [...]
To: aaryn730@gmail.com Subject: You asked if I felt old… Well…a sure sign that you’re turning forty is when your mother takes a shower with her glasses on!
The radio squawks at me on my ride to work each day about the economic upturn. Our melliflous but not-well-rehearsed local NPR guy offers median home prices, retail sales and unemployment numbers as evidence. See! He seems to be saying. The sun is shining! Things are getting better! James Altucher wrote an article about this [...]
Everything changes. Of all the many things about which I am uncertain, this is not one of them. The only thing we can count on in life is that everything—and I do mean everything—will change. Nothing stays the same and I hold onto this knowledge when life is darkest. It is the philosophy which has [...]
“Who’re you gonna believe, me or your lyin’ eyes?” —Richard Pryor It was in his last column, I believe, that my colleague over there on Page 5 wrote about listening to some God-awful God-radio. I read it and thought, Jesus, Decker is losing it. Who listens to the radio anymore? And then I felt something [...]
On the heels of the “ghetto-party” drama at the esteemed University of California, San Diego this week—which I will be writing about shortly, believe you me, oh yes I will—my husband’s business partner found a note on the ground, lost by, presumably, one of the University’s fine, over-achieving students. It concerns me how this individual [...]
Me: I don’t get the difference between figure skating and ice dancing. Sam: Well, figure skating is smooth with a series of elements that have to be shown, with dramatic air-type things and turns and jumps and stuff. The ice dancing is more dancey, if you will, with dance moves and lots of those close [...]
I was in the kitchen, setting out the frosting and the jimmies for the cupcakes Ruby and I had just put in the oven, when I heard a couple of heavy thuds come from the front hallway. It was pouring rain, Sam was away for the weekend and my heart had already exploded into a [...]
I am not a homemaker. I have three or four recipes I can cook and proudly stake claim to (I’ll put my chicken pot-pie in a blindfolded taste test any day of the week), but in general, I’m a hurricane in the kitchen. Ditto in the laundry room. Yes, I manage to get things agitating [...]
As I begin preparing to go on Euro Gallavant 2010—also known as Debt Fest 2.0.1.0, or Reinvent Yourself: The 21st Century Edition—I’ve been making contact with a few other writers with whom I’ll be sharing prosecco toasts and sunsets over the Amalfi Coast. I sure hope they’re not talkers, boy. I like my sunsets lonely [...]