thematically fickle

(*Slightly re-vamped and completely regurgitated from a previous blog post. To my very kind and faithful readers—all my you-go-girl!ers and even to my I-read-your-blog-because-I-love-to-hate-youers— my apologies for being redundant.)
I don’t know what got into me with Ruby’s birthday festivities this year, but I put it in my head that I had to perform like a [...]

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Did you know that the hypothalmus regulates (among other things) breathing and sexual satisfaction? Maybe that’s why, even when my man has a horrendous cold that causes fatigue, a sore throat and congestion so severe that breathing is difficult even when he’s laying perfectly motionless, he still wants to “bury his face in [my] ass.” [...]

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Three years ago today, we flew to Chicago to meet Ruby. The delayed flight certainly added to our anticipation and also, the agony of our wait. Out of the (mere) 7 months that our adoption process took before our match, it was this last 36 hours before we held our daughter that were the most [...]

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I’ve heard it said that “The Terrible Two’s” is a myth and that really, what’s terrible are the threes. Ruby won’t be three for another month but I see what’s ahead because ahead has already mowed me down. Sometime during the last week, my beautiful, darling daughter was snatched up and replaced by a person [...]

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“Ruby, tell mama to stop being so grumpy.”
“STOP! BEING! SO! GRUMPY! MAMA!”
“Ruby, tell daddy to stop being a jerk.”
“…….Daddy not being a jerk… Mama being a JERK!”

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According to my husband, it only takes 21 consecutive days of doing something before that something becomes a habit. I don’t know where he got this particular tidbit but it’s his plethora of head-scratching factoids that often makes me feel like I don’t know him very well, which in turn helps with the Marital Excitement [...]

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Some people say that real men love Jesus. I know some people say this, because they say it loudly on bumper stickers affixed to Mustangs and muscle trucks. To that, I offer this retort: Real men don’t advertise their spirituality on a bumper sticker. I’d like to see that on a car while I’m stuck [...]

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“I wanna get married,
Yes, I need a spouse.
I want a nice Leave it to Beaverish,
Golden retriever and a little white house.
I wanna get married, I need to cook meals.
I wanna pack cute little lunches for my Brady Bunches,
Then read Danielle Steele…”
—Nellie McKay
My home has been transformed from a happy bungalow to a menacing Palace of [...]

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Are you there? It’s me, Margaret Aaryn.
Please let the Packers lose win today so that Sam will shave the beard he’s been cultivating out of superstition be happy and I can get that cute dress I want at Title Nine (page 60, item B).
Thanks, God.
Aaryn

*Photo by Ruby.

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After suffering under the weight of trying to keep mental track of my daily obligations, I finally procured for myself a 2008 weekly engagement calendar (no Crackberry for this girl—I roll old school with ink and pulp). I spent a chunk of Monday night transcribing the scribbles and transferring the scraps from last year’s calendar. [...]

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